


To Infinity & Beyond

by AdelenMontgomery



Series: If Only [6]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Action, Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Trailer, Bullying, Character Death, Child Death, Children, Family Fluff, Flashbacks, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Identity Issues, Major Character Undeath, Non-Graphic Violence, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Temporary Amnesia, everything is fine because I said so, two alternate universes actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-01
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-04-16 12:41:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14165070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AdelenMontgomery/pseuds/AdelenMontgomery
Summary: Miranda Douglas has been an Avenger for just over a year. Though she is labeled a traitor by the United States government, T'Challa's freely offered asylum allows her, Steve, Bucky, and Ben to build something that resembles a normal life in Wakanda.But then Infinity War happens, and suddenly the world is turned on its head.And then the world is turned on its head again. And then a third time, for good measure; and Miranda learns that she is glad her life didn't go according to plan -- but that doesn't mean it had to go the way it did.





	1. It Was Like This

**Author's Note:**

> "There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." -- Washington Irving

This wasn’t what she’d signed up for. But that was becoming a pattern, wasn’t it? When she signed up to study Vikings and their myths, she never expected to meet the gods she was reading about. When she signed up to go to Norway to look at Viking artifacts first-hand, she never expected to see Asgard. When she stepped up to protect those girls in the airport, she never expected to become a mother herself. And when she became a mother, she never expected to…

Another sob wrenched its way out of her chest. She curled up tighter, the blankets balling up underneath her as she buried her face in a pillow, letting it dry her tears. She wanted to stop crying. Her throat hurt, her eyes hurt, her body ached from being tight for so long, but she couldn’t stop. Every time she tried, it only reminded her of what happened, and she’d start crying again. It was a vicious cycle, but she couldn’t bring herself to care. How could she when she couldn’t even bring herself to shower, or change, or eat?

She heard the door open and close softly, then the soft weight of someone sitting on the bed.

“That was the florist,” Nat said. “I wrote everything down and said you’d call back when you could.”

Miranda nodded numbly, sniffling. She sat up, but pulled her legs to her chest as she leaned against the headboard. “I don’t think I can.”

“You don’t have to do it today.”

“Nat, please —”

“He’d want you there.”

“But I shouldn’t have to fucking plan it!” Miranda exploded. She got to her feet. “I shouldn’t have to plan any of this. I didn’t sign up for this when I signed the fucking Accords. I didn’t sign up for this when I became an Avenger.  _ I didn’t fucking sign up for this. _ ” She stopped pacing and faced Natasha. “I can’t plan it, Nat. I can’t.”

Natasha didn’t say anything, just pulled Miranda into a hug that they both needed. Miranda never wanted to let go. She didn’t want to think about anything that had happened in the last week, or even the last year.

*****

It was a year ago that she’d become an Avenger. A little bit of coercion since Ben wasn’t a U.S. citizen (or even a citizen of Earth since he wasn’t born on planet, in the opinion of some) and she stepped down as ambassador. From there, she had little choice but to become an Avenger. She proved her stuff in training. They put her in charge of the Avengers, made her team leader. They trusted her more than Steve, but that was their mistake.

Someone hadn’t checked the fine print of the documents they had her sign when she stepped down. One of the many,  _ many _ pieces of paper she signed was a document that released her from any agreements she had signed as ambassador. She read the fine print. She caught their mistake. She used it against them.

Miranda drove out to Xavier’s, calling Jeane on her way to let her know she was coming. Once there, she went straight down into Cerebro. They’d just finished reconfiguring it for her purpose when she got there.

She sat down in the chair and took a deep breath before diving into the machine’s network. She reached out to every one of her allies and friends that she’d made over her stint as ambassador and created a conference room to greet them in.

“Welcome. I hope I’m not pulling any of you away from something important, but believe me, you’ll want to hear this. The fact that this meeting is an extension of my psychic abilities shouldn’t be of concern right now. I’ve been released from agreements I signed as ambassador, and they made a fatal mistake by not including one particular agreement,” she said, smirking when Tony perked up on the side of the room.

“And what agreement would that be, Ms. Douglas?” asked T’Challa.

“A gag agreement. About this,” Miranda said, creating a hologram of the Raft. “It’s a high security prison built off the coast of Florida in the Atlantic. While technically in international waters, the United States is the only government that is aware of its existence. Until now.” She paused for a moment to let the severity of the meeting settle over everyone. “The Raft was constructed to hold up to 350 enhanced, mutant, or Inhuman inmates. Under the present state of the Accords, such persons can be held and questioned here for up to 30 days without charge.”

Several people began to sputter, saying that couldn’t be true, or demanding why she would make up such an outlandish story.

“It’s all true, I’m afraid,” she’d admitted. “I tried to prevent it, but there was only so much I could do. I’m trying to make up for it.”

The meeting went on, and as people got the answers they needed, Miranda allowed them to leave so they could pursue the issue in the real world.

Tony was one of the last to leave. He hugged her and smirked. “Bastards won’t know what hit ‘em.”

“I hope not,” Miranda said. “Or my life it about to get a lot harder.”

“Things’ll work out,” he said with confidence before leaving.

Miranda took a deep breath, head spinning from the adrenaline of actually telling people about the Raft, despite the risks. But they’d released her from the gag agreement. Their mistake, her gain.

“Ms. Douglas, you have taken a big risk by telling us this,” T’Challa said, the last of her guests.

“If I can do anything to stop it from getting further, I intend to. I wish I could have said something sooner, your majesty, I really do, but I couldn’t without risking far more than I am now.”

T’Challa nodded. “I understand. Making a difficult decision rarely leaves us feeling like we made the right choice.”

“I want to dismantle the Accords.”

“I agree.”

“You agree?” Miranda said, disbelieving. “You worked on them harder than I did.”

“And how many secret clauses slipped under our noses?” T’Challa asked, pointing towards the glowing hologram of the Raft. “I doubt this is the only thing hidden in those pages.”

“You’re not angry?”

“At you? No, no. This was outside of your control, Ms. Douglas. I cannot blame you for that.”

Miranda nodded. “Is there anything I can do for you?”

“I offer you and your son asylum, should you need it,” he said. “And I have a feeling you will.”

“I do, too,” she said.

*****

That was why she ran to Wakanda less than a month later after getting a call from her uncle that the CIA was on their way to her home to arrest her. Luckily she was just getting ready to leave the Avengers Compound and she could turn right around and hop on a quinjet.

Steve and Bucky insisted on going with her. She didn’t object, and Ben certainly didn’t either, though he didn’t know why they were going on a sudden trip. It concerned Miranda more than she could say that Ben seemed alright with their sudden departure. It was the adults’ fear that scared him more.

Miranda didn’t want to tell him what was going on. She was wanted, and now Steve and Bucky would be too. Though she didn’t bother checking it, she was sure half the news was calling her a traitor, the other half a liar. There was nothing she could do until it all blew over, until the United Nations had revisited the Sokovia Accords with a fine-toothed, unbiased comb and got to the fine print that she’d so helpfully highlighted.

She spent most of the flight staring into space trying to come up with a plan after she’d let T’Challa know they were coming.

“It’ll be okay,” Bucky said.

“It’s my first time being a wanted criminal, I think I can panic a little,” she joked. It fell flat. “I don’t want anything to happen to Ben.”

“Nothing will.”

“If something happens — No, listen,” she stressed when he tried to interrupt her “— If something happens to me, you make sure he’s safe, alright? The CIA was sent to my  _ house _ , Bucky. We both know that it wasn’t to arrest me.”

Bucky sighed. “Okay. But speaking of your house…” he said tentatively.

“Never leaves my side,” she said, patting her business tote.

He nodded. They both returned to sitting in silence. Miranda hoped she’d done the right thing, sharing her knowledge of the Raft. She really hoped she had.

*****

They touched down on the outer edge of Wakanda. They may be open to the world now, but old habits die hard and foreign aircraft still land on the edge. Many are too big to land further in anyway since Wakandan planes don’t require airstrips.

They loaded what little they had with them onto a cart, which they walked alongside was they were escorted into the heart of Wakanda.

Ben keep darting this way and that, trying to take everything in or running with other children. Sometimes they would stop in little huddles, chatter loud and full of the innocent wonder only children have. Ben had to scramble to catch up to them sometimes, but Miranda never lost track of him. And she wasn’t worried about him any more than a parent would normally when their child was out of their sight, which is to say that she wasn’t very worried at all.

T’Challa greeted them warmly and Miranda thanked him again for offering protection.

Once they settled in, Miranda stepped out onto the balcony attached to the bedroom she and Steve were sharing. The sunset painted everything it could reach in soft golden and purple light; it was the most beautiful sunset she’d ever seen.

“You’re thinking very loudly,” Steve said softly, wrapping his arms around her from behind.

She chuckled, leaning into him. “What makes you say that?”

“I know you.” He kissed the top of her head. “Take a deep breath and forget about it for awhile.”

“I’m a fugitive, Steve, and now so are you and Bucky for following me.”

“The others would have —”

“Been putting themselves at risk if they had done anything. I can’t have that,” she said, turning to face him but remaining in his embrace. “The entire initiative would be scrapped if they all followed me. No, listen, they aren’t supposed to be loyal to  _ me _ , they’re supposed to be loyal to something bigger: to protecting the world.”

“Which you are.”

Miranda sighed, resting her head against his chest. She wished that more people could see it that way. Even some of her allies that had believed her thought that the Raft was a good idea — not with its current guidelines, granted, but the idea of having a seperate, highly secure prison for enhanced, mutant, Inhuman or “persons otherwise altered at the genetic level” was an attractive idea.

It made her sick how many of her “allies” saw her as an exception to mutantkind, “one of the good ones.”

“You’re thinking loudly again,” Steve murmured against her hair.

“I can’t help it,” she said, pressing herself closer to him. “I’ve got a lot to think about.”

“Would it help to talk?”

She shook her head. “Just hold me.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.” She closed her eyes and breathed in. The words grew easier to say, but they never meant anything less than they had the first time. Sometimes it felt like they both were saying it to remind the other of its truth. This was one of those times.

The irony of when she’d said it for the first time never escaped her, not after Steve told her about it. She’d blushed, having not even realized she’d said it. She was just so scared that she’d lose him that it had just… come out.

“Did you mean it?” he’d asked, brushing hair back from her face as they laid on their sides one night. 

The only light in the room was the soft glow from the city outside, and really they should have been sleeping since they had an early start the next day, but it was one of the few moments that everything felt still and important: it was a quiet moment to commit to memory, even if it didn’t have gravity. But it did.

“Yeah,” she admitted. “Yeah, I did.”

“Do you still?” Steve asked, barely concealing his worry. She knew him too well to not notice.

She scooted closer to him. “I love you, Steve,” she said, looking directly into his eyes.

Steve intertwined his fingers with hers, bringing her hand to his lips.

“And I love you, Andy,” he said, a smile tugging at his lips and shining in his eyes.

They’d kissed, somewhere along the line turning into a jumbled pile of limbs before falling asleep.

Why was it that everytime that they said it, it always had gravity? It was like they were two stars, swirling around each other and getting closer and closer. Only time could tell what happened when they finally collided.

For now they just stood silently, letting the sun set beyond the horizon and the stars take their place in the sky.

*****

Miranda met Shuri the next day. Within minutes, (and several meme references later) Miranda was in her good books. Ben, on the other hand, was clearly her favorite visitor since he kept asking questions about her projects —  _ intelligent _ questions like “How does it soak up the punch?” and “How does it get tiny like that?” and “What are the claws around the train for?” Sure he was only as articulate as a soon-to-be five-year-old could be, but the way he nodded when Shuri explained it looked like he actually understood most of what she was saying.

As they left the lab, Ben looked up with wide eyes and said: “I wanna be like her when I grow up.”

“See, brother? I can be a role model,” Shuri said smugly.

Miranda swallowed down her laughter before it could escape, hiding it by bending down to pick up  Ben.

It wasn’t til roughly a week later than Shuri meet Bucky. She took one look at his arm and said, “When was this built? The 1940s?” like it insulted her.

“Um, I think it was, actually,” Bucky said.

“It’s very advanced for its time,” Miranda said. “Still is for most of the world.”

“This isn’t the rest of the world,” Shuri said. “I can make a better one,” she told Bucky.

“My arm’s fine how it is.”

“Then how come you have to counter balance its weight and you are in constant pain?”

Bucky didn’t respond, but he looked to Miranda for help. She shrugged.

“It’s your arm, Bucky. I’m not gonna tell you what to do,” she said.

So Shuri started working on a prototype, one that would be handy in the impending war with Thanos.

*****

“Simply because Wakanda is the most advanced nation on the planet doesn’t mean we can single it out in this way,” Miranda argued. 

She was facing a semi-circle of holograms, each a member of the council that oversaw the Avengers. Even though she was wanted in the States, her status as leader of the Avengers (which was still a baffling assignment) superseded that since the Avengers were an international organization. Which meant she had to fulfill her duties as such, even if it gave her stress migraines.

“And why not?” asked one of the council members. Miranda was pretty sure he was the American one. He sounded American but honestly she’d never bothered to learn which names went to which faces.

“Because that’s not my call, nor is it any of yours,” she said. “King T’Challa may have opened Wakanda to the rest of the world but does not give the world leave to meddle within its borders, especially when it comes to matters such as this.”

“You mean matters of global security,” said another member. She sounded French.

“I do. If Loki was right, Thanos is more powerful than we are perhaps prepared for at this time. We’ll certainly need Wakandan technology to help us fight whatever army he brings, but that is not an invitation to bring those battles here.”

“You sound like you doubt your team,” said the American. Since he was acting like this she was almost certain he was American. Plus the accent sounded right. Mostly generic, but sometimes a little Southern sound peeped through.

“I don’t doubt my team, sir, but you have to remember that Thanos loaned Loki the Chautari army. I’d prefer to keep away from civilian centers if at all possible since many cities across the globe are still feeling the aftershocks of that.”

“If not Wakanda, then where?” asked the council member that Miranda was positive was British. There was no mistaking a posh London accent.

“I don’t know, ma’am, but I’ll be sure to confer with my team on the matter at my next opportunity.”

They talked around the subject in a few more circles before the conference was blessedly over and Miranda could drop her forced front of composed leadership. She wasn’t cut out for this. She wasn’t cut out for a lot of things and for the billionth time she wondered if she was being put in these positions so her inexperience could be used as a scapegoat when things went wrong. There was a small group of people who seemed to grow steadily more irritated the longer her success continued, after all.

“Enter,” she said when she heard a knock on the door. She was leaning forward on her arms against the table, head bowed and eyes closed. She was so tired.

“I take it the meeting went smoothly,” Bucky said.

Miranda made a noise that sounded less like a strangled laugh and more like a choked-off sob.

“They seem to think I have a clue as to what I’m doing.”

“You always seem to.”

“Then you’re more naive than I thought,” she said, turning to face him.

“Ben wouldn’t let Steve out of his sight so he sent me to check up on you.”

“Thanks,” she said, leaning back against the table and staring at her shoes.

Bucky leaned against the table to her left, mirroring her position. “You’re more capable than you think.”

“I got this far, didn’t I?”

“I’m serious, Andy.”

She sighed, running a hand through her hair. “They want to lead Thanos here, to Wakanda.”

“That seems like a bad idea.”

“That’s what I said.”

Neither of them said anything for awhile.

“Steve didn’t send you, did he,” Miranda said, breaking the silence.

Bucky shook his head. “I can worry about you all on my own.”

“I need to get out of my head. Spar with me?”

“I don’t know…” Bucky said, acting very put upon like he didn’t enjoy sparring with her. Then, after she playfully smacked his arm, “Geez, if you want to beat me up so bad, we’ll spar.”

“Don’t act like you don’t like it when I pin you, Barnes,” she teased as they left the conference room.

“Oh, it’s Barnes now, huh? You really think you’re gonna win this time?”

“I win every time, Barnes. Not my fault you get distracted.” She smirked, winking at him.

“I do not,” he protested.

“Don’t worry, Steve does too.” She purposefully looked up at him through her eyelashes. “I learned from the best after all.”

“Oh, yeah? And who’s that?”

Miranda spun round in front of him and pulled him down by the front of his shirt, grinning devilishly. “Natasha, of course.” She let him go and laughed as she continued down the hallway, fully aware that Bucky was frozen where she’d left him. “See you in fifteen, Barnes!”

*****

Steve came round with Ben when they were a few minutes into their first match. Miranda waved at him over Bucky’s shoulder, using it was a distraction to aim an uppercut at Bucky’s stomach, but he noticed and dodged. She grinned, her eyes sparkling.

“Did you really think I was gonna fall for that?” Bucky said, breath coming a little heavy.

“Just cause you taught me that one,” she said, ducking to avoid his punch and sweeping his legs out from under him while he was still off-balance from the punch, “doesn’t mean I can’t make you fall.”

Bucky groaned, a dramatized sound, as he rolled over to get back to his feet. “You’re making me look bad.”

“How so?” Miranda didn’t let him get onto his feet, pinning him down with her weight on his chest, holding her fist aloft like she was gonna pummel his face. She grinned. He could easily flip them and keep the match going, but he wouldn’t. Not when he was fighting for a neutral expression.

She laughed, rolling off his chest. She sprung to her feet, then offered her hand and pulled him to his feet.

“You losing on purpose, Buck?” Steve asked.

“Not exactly,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was, uh, teaching her how to…”

“Teaching me what?” Miranda asked, amusement barely hidden by her faux-innocent tone.

“Pin an enemy?”

“Sure, Buck,” Steve said, clapping a hand against his shoulder.

“Momma,” Ben said, tugging on her hand to get her attention, “Dad said he was gonna teach me how to punch today.”

“Did he? That sounds exciting, baby,” she said, ruffling his hair as he nodded enthusiastically. She smiled at Steve, who had a similar look of parental fondness on his face.

“Can we all practice together?” Ben asked. “As a family?”

“I don’t see why not,” Miranda said, looking at the other two. They both shrugged. “Come on, let’s get warmed up first.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah!” Ben said, hopping forward each time before starting to run a ways to get started. It wasn’t far enough to be much for the adults, but it was plenty far for him.

After the short “run,” they stood and then sat in a circle to stretch their muscles out. Then it was time to review what Ben already knew, each of the adults doing the same motion even if Steve was “Instructor of the Day” which was a title that switched around depending on Ben’s mood and who was available.

Miranda smiled, glancing at Ben as Steve said “Front kick!” and they all did. Ben’s form needed work, but hey, he was four, and the serious look on his face was  _ adorable _ . She loved these moments — not the whole training part, though she equated it to letting your kid take karate classes, but the moments that they spent together, just the four of them. The world faded away for a few minutes, and they were just an odd, mismatched family.

She did still wonder why Ben dubbed Bucky “Papa,” but it didn’t bother her like it had at first. Maybe it was because he’d called Steve “Dad” and that had worked out okay. Better than okay, actually, Miranda thought when she caught Steve’s eye and winked. He smiled before giving another instruction.

Her family was mismatched, but it was perfect. She wouldn’t change it for the world.

*****

Miranda nearly shrieked when Steve tackled her onto their bed later that evening after they’d both showered.

“Asshole,” she said, hitting his arm even as she was laughing and shifting to let him lay between her legs. “How rude.”

Steve rolled his eyes, bracketing her head with his arms. “What was that little display of yours for?”

“Display? Oh, gee, I don’t remember what I did,” she said, fully aware of what he meant. She just wanted him to say it. “Must’ve been somethin’ though. You wouldn’t tackle me for nothin’.”

“What did you think was gonna happen, with you sitting on Bucky’s chest like that?”

“Jealousy doesn’t suit you.” She wrinkled her nose then laughed.

“I’m not jealous,” Steve said, kissing just below her right ear. “Though Bucky might be.”

“Well, we’ve already talked about how we can fix that.”

“And I’m open to it,” Steve said, pulling back so he could look in her eyes.

She cupped his face with her hand, absently tracing his cheekbone with her thumb as he leaned into the contact. “I knew the tricky part would be getting him on board,” she said, smiling.

“It’s pretty obvious that he’s into you,” Steve said.

“And you,” Miranda said. “The kicker is getting him to believe that it isn’t just a three-way.”

“You say that like it isn’t,” he teased.

“You ass, you know it’s not. It’s not just sex.” She smiled. “Though it could be a bonus.”

“That smile means trouble for me, doesn’t it?” Steve said.

She pulled him down into a kiss. “Since you liked seeing me on top of Bucky so much, I’m sure something like that can be arranged,” she said, trailing her hands down his back, scratching lightly through his shirt.

“You’re a tease,” Steve groaned, his forehead falling to rest on her shoulder.

“A tease with a plan that ends a stupid love triangle in polyamory is better than a tease with no plan who tackles his girlfriend and doesn’t think that that should lead to something.”

“Who said I didn’t have a plan?”

“Okay, if you’ve got a plan, how ‘bout you tell me about it, captain?” she said, voice pitched low and sultry. She didn’t have to see his face to know he was blushing.

They’d been talking about absorbing Bucky into their relationship for awhile, and she had most  _ definitely _ been exploiting Steve’s weaknesses on that subject. But the fun part was when Steve got it in his head to tease back because he still wasn’t very good at dirty talk. Miranda knew for a fact that he’d blush down to his navel if she told him to tell her what he wanted and if that wasn’t the pretty fuckin’ thing, she didn’t know what was.

“Come on, tell me about it,  _ stud _ ,” she said, barely holding back laughter.

“I hate you so much,” Steve said, rolling to lay next to her on the bed while she laughed harder. “So much.”

“No, you don’t,” she said, turning to look at him.

“No, I don’t,” he said, kissing her again.

*****

Miranda frosted the cupcakes: one red, one white, one blue, the remainder a swirl of the three colors. Steve took his (the blue one) and Miranda handed Bucky the white-frosted cupcake, holding her own red one. Ben claimed a swirled one and stared at it, waiting for the okay to eat it.

“Uh, uh, birthday girl. Candle first,” Steve said, taking Miranda’s out of her hand to stick a candle into the frosting and light it.

“He does this every year,” Miranda said to Bucky, acting very annoyed.

“The cupcakes weren’t even a tradition yet last year.”

“Shush, I gotta make a wish,” she said, waving her hand at him. Steve rolled his eyes. After a moment, Miranda blew out her candle.

“Yay!” Ben said, clapping. “Happy birthday, Momma.”

“Thank you, Ben,” she said. “You can eat yours now.” She licked the frosting off the candle as Ben eagerly peeled back his wrapper.

They sat and chatted as they ate their cupcakes, Ben wandering off to tinker or something or other shortly after he finished his. (He only pouted a little when Miranda said he couldn’t have a second one just yet.)

“Where’s this ‘tradition’ come from?” Bucky asked, folding his wrapper over and over. Steve and Miranda shared a glance.

“I make cupcakes once and frosted them red and blue. Then we just kinda… kept it up,” she said, shrugging. It wasn’t the full story, far from it, but it was true enough. Somewhere along the line, it had become a newly minted birthday tradition. “I did the same thing on your birthday.”

“Yeah, but why’d it start?”

“We’re not really sure, Buck,” Steve said, covering for them both. “She makes the cupcakes, we eat the cupcakes. There’s not much to it.”

“I can make cupcakes other times than birthdays,” Miranda teased, a twinkle in her eyes.

“That’s not… Nevermind.”

“Bucky, it’s just a family thing now. I woke Steve up with cupcakes once and we kept it up as a joke, now we’re turning it into tradition.”

“Whose birthday was the first?” he asked.

Miranda rolled her lips and sighed. Was there any point in keeping it from him? “Yours. Your hundredth,” she whispered.

“Mine?” Bucky’s eyes were wide.

“You’re family. We sent you good wishes, and I would have given you a whole fuckin’ cake, but we didn’t know where you were.”

“Bucharest,” he blurted.

“We know that  _ now _ ,” she said. “But not then. And I made cupcakes. Now I make cupcakes for every birthday. Simple as that.” She got up from the table, gathering their empty glasses to take to the sink. 

She wasn’t sure, but she thought she heard him whisper, “Family,” as he thumbed the wrapper before tucking it into the breast pocket on his shirt.

*****

“I look ridiculous,” Bucky said, staring at his reflection. His hair, which Miranda was almost positive he was growing out because she played with it, was clipped back with a random assortment of colored hair clips that had been taken from Ben’s collection of hair supplies. A few tufts refused to be flattened, but his hair was out of his face, and that  _ was _ what he’d asked for.

“I think it looks nice,” Miranda said, meeting his eyes in the mirror. She rolled her lips to keep from smiling.

“You’re full of shit.” He started taking the clips out. “I wanted my hair outta the way, not to look like a clown.”

“I could always cut it for you,” she offered. She helped him take out a few clips, piling them on the counter. “I’d have to find a kit first though.” She purposely buried her fingers in the hair at the back of his head for just a moment.

“It’s fine, I’ll just deal for now,” Bucky said. He wasn’t meeting her gaze anymore.

Internally, Miranda sighed. He always did this, the damn gentleman. She’d find a weak spot of his, exploit it while making her intent very clear if he’d look at her face, and he’d never meet her eyes. Steve really needed to start hitting on him harder, otherwise they’d never be able to ask him to join their relationship. He thought enough of her that he knew she wouldn’t cheat on Steve, surely, but he didn’t seem to be picking up on their hints. How many date nights with just the three of them was it going to take? Did he even notice that they were dates?

“So long as you don’t blame your hair when you get sucker punched, you can do whatever you want,” she said. “Besides, I think long hair suits you.”

“You do? I thought you liked, well, when I —”

“Looked like you stepped outta my history book? Eh, that guy’s a relic. I like the man I’ve got in front of me  _ much  _ more,” she said. She used the voice that Steve had confessed made his knees weak.

Speak of the devil, she thought when she saw Steve come up behind them in the mirror. He knocked on the door to get their attention. “We’ve got a mission.”

“Just when I thought they’d forgotten about us.” Miranda sighed.

Steve stepped into the bathroom and got in Bucky’s space. “You missed one,” he said, removing the clip and brushing Bucky’s hair back from his face.

Miranda grinned. She knew the look Steve was using; it was one that, when he looked at her like that, promised messy bed sheets and toe-curling fun.

“Thanks,” Bucky said, taking the clip from Steve. A light dusting of pink colored his cheeks.

“We’ll suit up on the Quinjet. We’re needed as soon as possible,” Steve said, stepping back a half-pace.

“They say why?” Miranda asked, already sliding into Avenger mode.

“No, but  apparently we’ll be briefed on the way. The rest of the team is already on their way there.”

“And where is there, exactly?”

“Didn’t say,” Steve said as they each went to grab their bags. “Which can’t be good.”

“No, generally not. Do we at least have coordinates?”

“No.”

“Well fuck.”

“My thoughts exactly,” Steve said, brow furrowed and jaw tight. “Whatever this is, I don’t trust them.”

“I don’t either, but what choice do we have? It must be big if they don’t want to risk someone overhearing it. You said the rest of the team was in-route?”

“Yeah, but they’re radio dark.”

Miranda hummed as they stepped outside. That didn’t bode well. “Where’s Bucky?” she asked, looking around, eyes squinting against the sun. “I thought he was right behind us. I hope we didn’t short circuit his brain.”

“I doubt it,” Steve said, looking back into their little house too. “Buck?”

“Coming!” Bucky shouted, appearing a moment later.

Steve and Miranda exchanged a glance before turning and striding in the direction of the quinjet. They could tease him more later, but right now they had a mission and if that wasn’t stressful enough, they didn’t know anything about it yet.

Miranda paused when her bracelet chirped, holding her wrist up as Steve and Bucky stood on either side of her.

“Change of plans,” said the hologram of Shuri. “T’Challa has been mobilized as well. He said that you all can fly out together.”

“Is Ben still with you?” Miranda asked.

“Yes.”

“You don’t know where he is, do you?”

“He’s very good at hide-and-seek.”

She sighed. “He’s wearing sneakers, isn’t he?”

“T’Challa is waiting for you,” Shuri said before ending the call.

*****

The “mission” went like this:

The Avengers, in their various locations, were notified that there was a call. Once they were airborne, they were given the coordinates of their destination, which was just outside of New York City. The Avengers that remained in upstate New York were called in ahead to contain and control the situation, awaiting the arrival of the others coming from Wakanda.

They landed, suited up and finally briefed, a few yards away from a makeshift stage that had been set up by the United Nations. A radius of a half mile spread out from the stage, the area temporarily declared “neutral international territory” for one reason alone: Miranda was to give a speech.

Miranda had been forwarded the speech while they were airborne, chosen because of her record of holding public attention and because of her status as leader of the Avengers. The rest of the Avengers were there for a public display of support and to act as security in case the United States decided to try something. But since the area was “neutral international territory” for the next three hours, they couldn’t do anything until that time was up, and by then, Miranda wasn’t supposed to be in US airspace, let alone US soil.

She was giving a speech concerning an event that had happened that morning at 10:14 Eastern Standard time. It was 5:43 pm Eastern when they touched down. Within eight hours, the situation had happened, been contained, and now they were making a statement about it. Well, Miranda was since somewhere in the bureaucratic backwater she had become spokesperson for the mutant community.

She was speaking because there had been a school shooting. Mutants or suspected mutants had been specifically targeted. There were fourteen dead, all high school or middle school aged.

The speech tasted ashy and meaningless in her mouth, but she didn’t know what else to say.

“The leak about the Raft has been connected to you. Do you still believe that it should be dismantled?” asked a reporter.

“That’s not what this conference is about.”

“The shooters are suspected to be part of a group called the Watch Dogs, who have been compared to the KKK, do you think that motivated the attack?” asked another reporter.

“The motive was hatred, no matter their background. There are no excuses that can be made when someone kills innocent children,” Miranda said, fully aware she looked angry and her tone was sharp enough to sting. She wanted them to think about the questions they were asking her. “The men who did this are vile, evil beings. They killed children for no other reason than they are different, and that is condemnable by anyone with even the tiniest moral code.”

“Isn’t the Avengers’ code to protect people?”

“Our goal is to protect the Earth from anyone who wants to harm it,” Tony said, stepping in before Miranda bit the reporter’s head off. “Harming children is harming our future. To protect the Earth we must look forward, and that means protecting children from harm, so that they may carry our future. Now, I don’t see where the confusion is. Children are children. I don’t want to hear ‘But they were mutants!’ They were children who wanted to get an education, and when someone decides that that is punishable by death, you all scramble to find something redeemable about these people, never once stopping to consider that the victims are  _ victims _ , that they had nothing to do with causing the shooting.”

“If anyone is to blame aside from these gunmen, it’s you, the media,” Miranda said. “You cry over these men who take pleasure from killing children, arguing that they were sweet, that they had lives, that they were misunderstood. You perpetuate a culture that turns viciously on anyone who shows the slightest hint of difference, labeling one group ‘them’ and the other ‘us.’ You spew hatred and excuses, never once thinking that you should be framing the tragedy as that of the victims, not the murderers. The victims were sweet, had lives, had  _ futures _ , and when all that was ripped away from them, you scramble to humanize their killers, but never them. Never the victims.” She took a deep breath, seething. 

A reporter actually was stupid (or brave) enough to ask another question after that. “Ma’am, there is a movement to create a national registry of mutants, and it’s been gaining traction recently. Do you think that a registry could prevent something like this from happening again?”

Miranda knew exactly what this registry would look like. This was Project Wideawake, just hidden in the folds of propagated public opinion.

“A national registry? I think I’ve heard that one before, haven’t you, Steve? Though I think that time they used gold stars to mark who was special.” The reporters squirmed in their seats. “No, a registry wouldn’t prevent something like this, it would just make it more likely. No further questions.”

She turned on her heel and left, the others following shortly behind her. Some UN PR person scrambled up to the podium as they left, trying to quell the roar of questions from the reporters. An intern hurried up to Miranda, eyes wide.

“Ma’am, that was live,” she said.

“Good. Nothing can get edited out,” she said, jaw tight.

The intern scrambled away when Natasha came up to Miranda’s side.

“I’m starting to wonder why they even let the press ask you questions anymore,” she said.

Miranda huffed. “I think they’re trying to ruin my reputation.”

“Well, it’s not working,” Nat said, scrolling through Twitter. “You’re trending.”

“Peachy.”

“You’re really wound up by this.”

“Am I? I thought I was grinding my teeth for fun.” She sighed, running a hand through her hair. She jumped when she shocked herself. “The hell…?”

“You’ve been sparking since you were asked about the Raft. The reporters are getting a lot gutsier when it comes to asking you questions.”

“And my mutation never ceases to surprise me.”

Natasha hummed. “So what’s eating you about this?”

“I’m just tired of victim blaming,” Miranda said, sighing. “Why is it so damn difficult for people to accept that victims had no control over what happened to them?”

“I don’t have an answer to that,” Natasha said. “But hopefully things will start changing for the better.”

“That’s why I’m here.”

*****

While the media was a shitstorm, Miranda was taken off active duty. Steve and Bucky requested to be taken off as well, and since there wasn’t anything looming besides Thanos, they were granted it.

For Miranda it was like finally being able to breathe fresh air. She had time to herself, which she spent working on a memoir. She had time to spend with Ben, every moment of which she adored. His education was off to a rocky start, but he was so brilliant that she wondered if it would even matter. She had time to spend with Steve, or Bucky, or both of them, all the while inching towards becoming a triad.

If they hadn’t been in Wakanda, she would have been able to trick herself into thinking her life was normal.

“Normal is relative,” Steve said when she’d wished they had normal lives.

They were cuddling in the bench swing on their porch, watching the sun disappear behind the mountains. Ben had wanted to make dinner and recruited Bucky to help, shooing Steve and Miranda out of the kitchen, and they’d ended up on the porch, the sounds of clinking glass and timers beeping floating out the open window with Miranda’s legs draped across Steve’s.

“I know,” she said. “But… Ben didn’t get to go to preschool, really, and now he’s in a different country for kindergarten, and I don’t know what’ll happen next year. I’ve given up on normal for me, but for Ben…”

“I know,” Steve said, rubbing her arm comfortingly. He kissed the top of her head. “But you have to stop comparing his childhood to yours.”

She took a deep breath and sighed, burrowing closer to Steve’s side. He was right. Her childhood normal wasn’t Ben’s and never was going to be. She couldn’t will it into existence, so she had to let things unfold as they go. It was going to be hard, but she could do it. She could.

“Hey, lovebirds,” Bucky said, sticking his head out the window above them, “dinner’s ready.”

Normal was overrated anyway.

*****

Miranda dried her hands on the towel hanging from the stove, ruffling Ben’s hair as she passed to go see who was knocking on the door. She peeked out the window before going to open the door.

“Hey, stranger,” she said, smiling and hugging Natasha. “What brings you to this neck of the woods? Come in, Ben and I are baking cookies for his class.”

“I just wanted to visit. Where’s the guys?”

“Steve went for a run, I think, and Bucky’s been on a retreat for a couple days now,” Miranda said, checking Ben’s progress in stirring the bowl of frosting. He was in the zone, hyper-focused on his ‘assignment’ and hadn’t yet noticed their guest. “He won’t be back for a couple of weeks.”

“Retreat?” Natasha said, swiping a fingerful of frosting.

“Hey!” Ben said. Then, “Aunt Nat!” He hugged her tightly before going back to his task, his face screwing up in concentration once again.

“What are you making?”

“Frosting. Momma says I have to make sure it’s all mixed together.”

“And you’re doing great, buddy,” Miranda said.

“So, Barnes is on a retreat?”

“Yeah, for his mental health. He’s staying in a hut near the border, where exactly I don’t know. But it’s supposed to help. He seemed hopeful, anyway, and I think he was excited about the time for meditation and thought. Plus, once he comes back, Shuri’s replacement arm should be ready to go.”

“A new arm? Wow, coming to Wakanda really was the best decision for you.”

“It’s shaping up to be,” Miranda said, “but I still feel… weird about it. I know T’Challa offered asylum, but we’ve been here since March and —”

“It’s October.”

“Exactly.” She turned the oven off as the timer started beeping and pulled the cookies out. She gently poked the middle of one to make sure they were done before grabbing a spatula to put them on the cooling rack. “And I don’t think I’m welcome stateside anytime soon. Especially after my little speech addendum last month.”

“You’d be surprised,” Nat said. “You did make the cover of  _ The National Enquirer _ though.” She showed Miranda the cover page on her phone. Blown up from what had probably been the background of the actual picture was her, Steve, and Bucky shortly after she’d calmed down after her speech. She was holding Steve’s hand, but leaning into Bucky’s side, her arm around his waist, his over her shoulders. The headline declared:  _ ROGERS ON ICE — CAPTAIN AMERICA FROZEN OUT OF LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP. _

Miranda held back a laugh. “Are you serious? Lord, show that to Steve when he comes back. Oh that is hilarious.”

“Andy,” Nat said very seriously. Miranda stopped laughing.

“You don’t actually think — Nat, come on, you know me,” Miranda said. “And you know the  _ Enquirer  _ makes shit up all the time.”

“Language!” Ben chirped, staring mock-angrily over his shoulder.

“Your uncle’s real funny,” Miranda said dryly, turning his head back to focus on the frosting. “Seriously, Nat, you’re gonna confront me about this? After a month?”

“I’ve been on missions.”

“I’m not cheating on Steve, I’m not leaving Steve, I haven’t done either of those things, nor do I plan to. I’m not that kind of person, Nat.” She got bowls out of the cabinet to separate the different frosting colors.

“I don’t believe the headline, but the picture is another story.”

“Okay,” Miranda said, facing Nat. “I’m gonna lay out all my cards then, on the condition you don’t breathe a word of it to Bucky.” Nat nodded. “Steve and I have talked a lot in the last couple months about what we want out of our relationship, and we both came to the same conclusion: something was missing. Well, some _ one _ , anyway. So we talked more about it and now we’re trying to head in that direction. Ya know, polyamorously.” She leaned against the counter.

“Polyamory,” Nat said, like she wasn’t sure she’d heard her right.

Miranda nodded. “Mhm, except Bucky is either oblivious or in denial so we’ve gotten no where other than starting a competition to see who can make him blush harder. Also on who breaks first and just kisses him,” she added, almost as an afterthought.

“This was not a conversation I was prepared for.”

“Glad to know you planned on a shovel talk,” Miranda joked, patting her shoulder. “All mixed, bud? Let’s start on the colors.” She took the bowl from Ben and started scooping it out into the smaller bowls. She was just starting to drop the food coloring in when Steve got back.

“Hey, Nat. I didn’t know you were coming.”

“She just popped by,” Miranda said, tilting her chin up for a greeting kiss. “I didn’t know she was coming either, but she was confronting me about a cover of  _ The National Enquirer _ .”

Steve looked from Miranda to Nat, curious. Nat handed him her phone. “This might be the first time a false accusation actually made me laugh,” Steve said, handing the phone back to Nat. He chuckled. “You didn’t think that —”

“No, she did. But I set the record straight. Well, not  _ straight,  _ per se…” Miranda said.

“Hardy har-har,” Steve said, kissing her again.

“Now go shower. You stink and you’re all sweaty and gross.”

“Yeah, Dad, you stink!” Ben piped up, pinching his nose. “Stinky!”

“I feel attacked,” Steve teased, already headed down the hall. “This is a personal attack.”

“Go!” Miranda said, shooing him with a wave of a frosting-covered spoon. His laughter bounded back down the hallway.

Natasha took a bowl and spoon and began mixing the dye and frosting together. “I forgot how disgustingly domestic you two are.”

“Then it’s a good thing you came by,” Miranda said, smiling.

*****

Ben ran up to Bucky as he walked up the street. “Papa!”

“Hey, kid,” Bucky said, ruffling Ben’s hair. Ben giggled, hugging his waist and standing on top on his feet. Bucky waddled forward, smiling.

“Welcome back,” Miranda said, hugging him when he got close enough. She stepped back so Steve could do the same. “How do you feel?”

“Better. Grounded,” Bucky said, nodding. “Shuri says her prototype is ready when I am, so.”

Miranda grinned. “We’re really happy for you, Bucky. Really. Now, come inside. Ben helped make you pancakes. He thought you’d miss them.”

“Pancakes?” Bucky said, looking down at Ben, who was still latched onto him like a leech. “Why would you think I’d miss pancakes?” he asked teasingly.

“Cause they’re your favorite. Come on, Papa! Pancakes! Pancakes! Pancakes!” Ben said, grabbing Bucky’s hand to pull him into the house, bouncing up and down as he chanted. Laughing, the adults joined in as they all headed inside.

*****

The next few weeks blurred into each other leading up to the holidays. Bucky and Miranda visited Shuri on Monday to check out the new arm, and by Friday Bucky was wearing it. From then on it was a rotation of doctors and therapists (both physical and mental) for Bucky, and scientists for Miranda. They were researching how exactly her powers worked. Miranda knew some things, but more and more was uncovered as the research went on. She found it endlessly fascinating even if the science of it sometimes went over her head.

Steve and Bucky’s break from active duty ran out, and they were called away on missions twice, but the longer of the two was just over a week. Miranda and Ben waited eagerly for them to return both times, and they thankfully returned without any major injuries (though Miranda glared long and hard at Steve until he admitted that a broken rib wasn’t “minor”).

The holidays breezed past, the only speed bump was Ben lamenting the lack of snow. They video chatted with Miranda’s family, the time difference being a bit of a struggle, but otherwise it was alright. They all wished they could be together though.

January bled into February into March, and finally, two weeks short of being a full year in exile, Miranda was able to return to the United States — under tense restrictions, but she would be able to if she wanted. After talking about it with T’Challa, then Steve and Bucky, then Ben, she decided to stay until the end of the school year. She didn’t want to force Ben to leave his friends.

April flew past, and suddenly it was May. And after the relative quiet that had persisted for the last year, that peace was shattered when an unknown vessel was detected entering Earth’s orbit.

They called themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy. And Thor was with them.

*****

T’Challa, Miranda, Steve, and Bucky stood in the same boardroom that Miranda had been using for holographic conferences, except this time she wasn’t conferring with her superiors, they were talking to the rest of their team and the Guardians.

She was getting a headache. “Would everyone, please, shut up!” she shouted over the noise. “We need to keep away from population centers, but with a giant portal over New York that doesn’t exactly look likely. Which means we need to be able to get anywhere fast so we can contain this before it gets out of hand.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?” said Rocket. Miranda was still getting used to the whole racoon thing, but at this point life was so weird something like this may as well happen.

“We can draw Thanos somewhere. We have an Infinity Stone,” Tony said. “We can use it as bait. Sorry, Vision.”

“I understand. It is logical.”

“There is more than one Infinity Stone on your planet,” Gamora said. “We can’t know which one Thanos will go after first.”

“More than one?” Natasha asked.

“Aye,” Thor said. “It resides with a sorcerer, Dr. Strange.”

“Sorcerer?” Bucky whispered, leaning in Steve’s direction.

He shrugged. “I guess.”

“And where is he?” Tony said, sighing.

“New York.”

“That explains why the giant portal is there,” Miranda said. She took a deep breath. “Keep an eye on it, I guess. Thanos will probably start there.”

“Which is precisely why he won’t,” Gamora said. “He’s letting you think you can be prepared. He will strike somewhere else first.”

Steve nodded, staring at the holographic globe spinning in front of him. “Thanos make strike here, in Wakanda, first. It’s the most advanced nation on the planet, but untested against alien technology.”

“To come here would be an attempt at removing the biggest threat aside from the Avengers,” T’Challa said. “I can only hope Thanos has underestimated us.”

“Here’s hoping,” Miranda said under her breath. “Tony, see if you can find Dr. Strange. And keep an eye on Spiderman. Lord knows the kid will get involved somehow.”

“You’re right about that. I already have Friday searching, but the only thing so far is a neurologist who disappeared off the grid a few years ago.”

“Keep looking, we need to find him, and fast. We’ll get Wakanda ready, you watch New York.”

“And what are we supposed to do?” Peter Quill asked. “Just sit up here, flying in circles?”

“Your ship’s sensors will be able to tell us when Thanos is coming, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Then you’re on watch. We’ll need you to warn us about his approach,” Miranda said with a sharp nod. “Until then, all we can do is prepare.”

*****

Miranda took a risk and flew to New York the day after Loki turned up. Thor said he trusted him, and that was enough for her. For now, at least. They needed everyone they could get on their side. Ben, Steve, and Bucky accompanied her. 

After a brief meeting to discuss what actions they could possibly take, and deciding which Avengers would be where, Miranda pulled Ben away from his action figures. She wasn’t sure that she was making the best choice, but she had a feeling it was her only one.

She took Ben’s hand in hers and walked up to Loki, head held high.

“Miranda,” he greeted her politely. “To what do I owe the honor?”

She took a deep breath. “If Thanos gets past us, there’s nothing holding him back from destroying the rest of the planet. I need you to take Ben somewhere offworld, somewhere safe, somewhere he can stay until this blows over.”

“Miranda… I don’t know if —”

“Please. You just thought of half a dozen planets you could take him to. You know somewhere that he’ll be safe.” She bit her lip. “I don’t know what else to do.”

Ben tugged on her hand and she bent down to eye level with him. He cupped her cheek. “I’ll be okay, Momma. You said as long as I wore this,” he said, pulling the amulet that Loki had given him when they left Asgard out from under his shirt, “that I’d be safe. I don’t have to go.”

She kissed his forehead and hugged him tightly. “I just need you to be extra safe, baby.”

“I may know a planet,” Loki said cautiously. “He should be safe there indefinitely.”

Miranda nodded, rising to her full height. “And you’ll be able to bring him back?”

“Of course. You have my word.”

“And mine, sister,” Thor said, approaching them. She didn’t even care that he’d overheard them. “You can be assured that Benjamin will be as safe as possible, and that we will return him to you when it is safe to do so.”

“Thank you,” she said, hugging him. Then she hugged Ben again and wiped away his tears. “It’s only for a little while, baby. I love you so much.” She hugged him a third time, and what felt like it would be the last time.

She wasn’t sure she’d survive this. But he’d be okay. He’d be okay, she kept telling herself as she watched them walk away and Loki create a portal to another world. They were gone in a flash.

She was silent the whole way back to Wakanda.

*****

It was disastrous from the beginning. As it turned out, they were wrong on both counts: Thanos wasn’t hitting New York, then Wakanda, or vice versa. No, he was hitting both at the same time.

Their only luck was that they split the Avengers better, the Maximoffs, Sam, Clint, and Nat coming to Wakanda to fight alongside the Dora Milaje and other Wakandan warriors. Tony, Rhodey, Vision, Thor, Loki, and the Guardians were in New York, as was Peter Parker. Miranda told Tony to be careful with letting Peter join; Tony said he knew, and he was hesitant, but the kid could handle it as much as any of them could when they got their first mission.

So they were split between two places and only as prepared as their best guess had let them be.

“This anything like the Chautari?” Miranda said, glancing over her shoulder at Steve before taking on another alien (what the fuck where these beings even called?)

“No,” Steve said with a snort and shake of his head. They both kept fighting. It was gruesome work.

“Douglas,” came General Faust’s voice over the comms, “we need you in the control center. Air evac is enroute, two minutes from your location.”

Miranda clenched her jaw. Why were they pulling her out? Her plan had been solid, approved by the council. They hadn’t known the battle would come so soon, but she’d made sure to make a contingency plan. That had gotten approved, too. But General Faust sat on the board of military officers that ran things more closely than the council, even if it was only during battles and missions.

“Douglas?” General Faust said.

“Understood,” Miranda said. She looked at Steve to find he was already giving her as much attention as he could spare.

“I heard. Go.”

She nodded and took off running towards the fast-approaching craft that was going to take her out for reasons she wasn’t yet privy to. For the millionth time since becoming an Avenger, she cursed the red tape they were wrapped up in.

 

The air in the quinjet was cooler than the air outside, and it was darker. As soon as the ramp closed, the quinjet began to rise higher and higher. They must want her in a vantage point.

She was patched into the control through the screens and a few holograms, once of which was of the battlefield. Her team stood out as brightly colored, labelled dots.

“Fill me in,” Miranda said. General Faust did, though she sounded a bit miffed that Miranda wasn’t troubling with any courtesies like “ma’am.” Miranda didn’t care, she was preoccupied with figuring out how to defeat Thanos’ forces. They were strong, fast, and they kept coming. “What’s the situation like in New York?”

“Not much better,” Faust said. “But focus on the task at hand.”

“General, with all due respect, I’m going to default to Princess Shuri when it comes to making calls,” Miranda said, flicking and turning the battlefield, trying to find an angle where it all made sense. She opened a screen to keep an eye on Steve. Wanda had replaced her by his side.

“Pardon?”

“Princess Shuri knows her country better than you or I could ever hope to, so when making decisions that will affect the future of her nation, I think that she is the only one qualified to give me advice on such matters,” Miranda said coolly. “Though I will be sure to follow protocol.”

General Faust grit her teeth. “Very well,” she said. Then she ended the video call. 

“Okay, let’s get this rolling,” Miranda muttered to herself. She called Shuri, patching her through one of the screens. “Hey, princess.”

“Hey, colonizer,” Shuri said. “Why aren’t you on the ground?”

“Faust pulled me out. I just insulted her by saying that you’re better equipped to help me make decisions.”

“I’m flattered. What are you trying to do?”

“Get our people home in one peace and stop Thanos.”

“That’s easier said than done,” Shuri said.

“Don’t I know it,” Miranda said, chuckling.

 

Since they both had eyes over the field, they were able to direct where people needed to be and prevent the line from being breached. At some point, they actually started pushing forward. It looked like they might actually win.

Then things took a turn for the worse.

“Are you seeing this?” Miranda said, zooming in on a small clearing not far from the Maximoffs and Steve. Blood drained from her face.

“Is that purple grape Thanos?” Shuri said.

“I think so,” Miranda said, watching him move through the trees. “Pietro, watch your 11 o’clock, Thanos is heading straight for you.”

“Thanos is here?” Steve asked.

“Pietro, I’m coming to you,” Wanda said, a switch from the plan they had made less than a minute prior.

“Be careful Wanda, we’re not sure what he’s capable of,” Miranda said.

“And just when we thought we were getting somewhere,” Sam said.

“That’s how it always is,” Natasha said.

“Think of it as the boss level,” Clint said.

“Focus, team,” Miranda said. “We need to keep the comms clear in case —” She cut herself off, unable to say anything as she watched it happen.

Thanos had reached Pietro. Quick as he was, he wasn’t fast enough. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched his vitals cut off. Wanda froze, and in that moment, Miranda watched as Thanos turned to her.

“Wanda!” she cried out, hoping to jar her so she could do something, but it wasn’t enough.

Thanos reached out toward her batting her aside like a rag doll. Then Steve was there, and as Thanos reached out to crush him, he caught the gauntlet with his own hands. He screamed from the stain.

Miranda jolted to life, running to the cockpit to take the craft back down so she could rejoin the fight. “Shuri, take over control. You call the shots, got it?”

“I can do that,” she said.

Miranda kept adjusting the controls but she wasn’t going anywhere. “Come on, come on,” she muttered before hitting the panel and getting back up. She opened a line to Faust. “Take this craft off autopilot, I need to get back on the ground.”

“I can’t do that, Douglas. You said you would follow protocol.”

“Fuck the protocol! One of my teammates just died and two more are in extreme danger, I’m needed on the ground  _ now. _ ” She looked back at the footage of the ground. Steve didn’t have much time — he needed help. “If anyone is free, I need you on Steve  _ now _ .”

“On it,” Sam said.

Wanda’s vitals were fading.

“Faust, I need you to tell me why you aren’t allowing me on the ground.”

“That’s classified, Ms. Douglas.”

“Fine,” Miranda said, backing away from the panels. “Have it your way.” She grabbed a parachute and marched over to the ramp door, pressing the release as she put the parachute on. It didn’t open.

“We have complete control of the craft, Ms. Douglas,” General Faust said. “In war, you always lose good men.”

Miranda had had it. Once back over by the screens, she could see how frightening she looked: her hair was wild, like it was full of electricity, and her eyes only held murder.

“I swore to my team that I wouldn’t let anything happen to them so long as it was in my power to prevent it. I can prevent this, let me do it.” Her jaw was set, her fists curled tightly.

Then, all at once, the air was punched out of her lungs and her heart seemed to stop. Wanda’s vitals stilled and in less than a heartbeat, Steve’s cut off. She watched in horror as he crumpled into a pile on the ground.

Sam swept in, guns blazing but too late. A few others came to his aid: T’Challa, Nat, a few Dora Milaje. They were able to push him back. Miranda didn’t bother moving the screen. She was stuck down, she felt dead herself.  _ This couldn’t be happening _ .

But she looked to the holographic map of the terrain and noticed something was missing.

“Does anyone have eyes on Bucky?” she asked. “Does anyone have eyes on Barnes?”

No one answered in the affirmative.

“He’s gone from my map, too,” Shuri said, her brow creased. “That shouldn’t be possible.”

“You should have let me land,” Miranda growled at Faust before terminating the connection. Numbly, she sat down on the floor, her back against the wall as she faced the screens. She didn’t see them.

*****

She wasn’t sure what happened during the rest of the battle, but at some point she landed and was ushered into a conference room, holograms of the council and a few generals already loaded. She went through the report with tired grace until she couldn’t anymore.

Miranda clenched her jaw. “With all due respect, sir, I just lost half my team.”

“Yes, due to your incompetence,” Ross said. “You wanted to call the shots and this is where it got us. Three Avengers dead, one missing, and the rest injured. Except you,” he adds, pointing at her.

If he wasn’t just a hologram, she’d punch him.

“I was removed from the fight under the orders of General Faust. I was under the impression that I had to listen to her orders,” Miranda said as calmly as she could manage under present circumstances. “Was I wrong, Mr. Secretary?” She looked at the others who made up the group of her superiors.

The British council member looked amused.

“No,” Ross admitted angrily.

“I understand that as team leader fault will fall on me, but I respectfully ask that you wait until the remainder of my team and myself have had time to file our reports. And in the meantime, we’re mourning our fallen teammates. Sir.”

The conference wasn’t over fast enough. Miranda felt her patience draining far faster than the situation allowed, but she held on by a thread as they wrapped up. When it was finally over, she sat down, hard, onto the chair. She’d maintained parade rest for most of the conference.

Parade rest. Like she was a fucking soldier.

She pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes, futilely attempting to push the tears back before they had opportunity to escape. She couldn’t cry, not yet, not when her team needed her.

Her team. They shouldn’t be her team — not this way. Steve or Tony or  _ someone else _ should have been leading the Avengers. They knew what they were doing, could see all the ways that a battle could pan out and they pick the route that will get them to victory with the least amount of injuries. Not casualties.

Three casualties. And in the blink of an eye.

Miranda took a deep breath and pushed herself to her feet. She fixed her appearance as much as she could without a mirror. Then she stepped into the hall. Nat and Tony sprung to their feet.

“How’d it go?” Tony asked.

Miranda blearily wondered when he’d gotten there. How had things gone in New York?

“Not well. I’m getting blamed, of course,” she said.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Natasha said.

Miranda nodded. “Tony, can you check on everyone?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sure,” he said, almost leaving. Instead he pulled Miranda into a hug.

She murmured her thanks as he pulled away. Tony nodded before turning and going to check on the others like she’d asked.

Miranda closed her eyes and counted her breaths until she felt like she wasn’t going to cry.

“Thor and Loki should be back soon,” Miranda said, striding down the hall. Natasha matched her stride. She had sent them to get Ben, safe or no, because she needed to see him. She’d die before she let something happen to him that was out of her control.

It had been for his safety she sent him away, and now, for her sanity, she was bringing him back.

“Are you sure you’re going to be alright?” Nat asked.

“The only thing keeping me together right now is the fact that my son is about to come home and I can hold him and forget the world for a few hours. This time tomorrow I’ll be able to compartmentalize but I need time alone with Ben first,” Miranda said.

“And you’ll get it. Don’t worry,” Nat said, laying a comforting hand on her shoulder. “I’m sure he’s fine. You said Loki took him to a peaceful planet.”

“I know. It’s just… I just have this feeling that something happened to him,” Miranda said, her voice growing higher and cracking the longer she spoke. She cleared her throat and blinked away tears.

Nat didn’t say anything. She didn’t know what to say.

They stepped outside just as Thor and Loki returned. They were facing away from the building and turned slowly, heads bowed. Miranda’s stomach dropped.

Ben wasn’t with them.

She wanted to ask  _ Where’s Ben? _ but the question got stuck in her throat. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t make a sound. Her nails bit into her palms painfully. She squeezed tighter.

“Miranda… I’m so sorry,” Loki said. “I had no idea.”

“There was nothing that could be done,” Thor said, his voice just as grave as his brother’s. “We were too late.”

“What happened?” Nat asked.

Miranda closed her eyes, willing herself to wake up from this nightmare.

“Solh has been at peace for millenia. They do not even develop weapons there, but the Krigoorlog did not care,” Thor explained. “They attacked without mercy and destroyed everything on the planet.”

“They exist outside of the Nine Realms. I had no idea that the Krigoorlog were engaged in war games, nor that they would attack a peaceful planet,” Loki said. “If I had —”

Miranda held up a hand to cut him off. She opened her eyes and saw the honesty in his own. She believed him. Believed them both.

She bit down hard on her lip to keep from breaking down completely.

“So you’re telling me,” she began slowly, fighting to keep her voice even, “that my son died on a planet that was attacked without provocation?”

“Yes,” Loki answered after a long beat.

Miranda nodded. It was difficult to swallow, to breathe. She wanted to run into Steve’s arms and stay there until the news didn’t hurt anymore, until she could breathe again; but that wasn’t an option. Steve was dead. And she couldn’t run to Bucky about it because he was missing.

Who was there left to turn to?

She was trembling, she could feel it. See in her hand. So she lowered it and clenched her fist tight once again.

“Excuse me,” she said, turning on her heel, not waiting to see if anyone reacted or had anything else to say — she didn’t want to hear it. She ignored everything and everyone as she blindly walked back to her house, to the room she shared with Steve, relying on muscle memory to get her there.

She knew Natasha would follow her. But she’d wait — Nat wouldn’t come straight to her. Bide her time, wait for Miranda to calm down enough that she’d actually  _ want _ to talk. It could take hours.

Miranda went into the attached bathroom suite and pulled off her boots. As she did, she caught her eye in her reflection. She wasn’t as dirty as the others — she’d been pulled out so quickly that her time on the ground barely counted, barely mattered. But dirt had gotten on her face, and now she has cleaner patches on her cheeks from the few tears that had escaped her stubborn will to not cry. Her hair was windswept, as scattered as her thoughts.

She pulled off her gloves, shimmed out of the bodysuit and kicked it away.  _ Lady Liberty _ , she scoffed.  _ What a fucking joke. _ She stared at it. She wanted to burn it.

Instead, she brushed out her hair. She started the shower and let it warm up as she stripped out of the rest of her clothes. It was a little too hot, but she didn’t care. She cleaned up, but stayed under the burning spray until it ran cold.

She wrapped herself in a towel and walked back into the room, her bare feet sticking to tile, then hardwood. Miranda opened the closet door and went to just grab a shirt and shorts — something comfortable to sleep in. She grabbed the first of each that her hands found and pulled them on without second thought. The shorts were hers, but she frowned at the shirt, tucking a damp clump of hair behind her ear. It covered her short bottoms and it was looser than she expected.

Oh. It was Steve’s.

She’d always steal them, wear them to bed. Had since they’d started dating for real. Some must have just ended up in her drawer. Worrying the hem between her fingers, Miranda wondered if Steve had done it on purpose out of equal parts annoyance of her shirt-thievery and fondness for seeing her in his clothes.

A tear landed on her big toe. She brushed the others away.

There was a soft knock at the door. Slowly, Miranda shuffled to the bedroom door and opened it. Natasha’s face was soft, softer than Miranda had ever seen it, and her own hair was shower-damp.

“I’m going to stay in your guest room, if that’s alright. So I’m close by if you need me.”

Miranda nodded. She stared at the door, scratching at a loose paint chip. It fell to the floor. She didn’t watch it land.

“Andy?”

Miranda meet Natasha’s gaze. She was worried. About her, she knew, but she couldn’t bring herself to mind. She remembered, faintly, Nat looking at her like this once before. She thinks it was when Nat found her beating her hands to a bloody pulp against a punching bag in the Avengers Tower. But so much was fuzzy from then. Everything is syrupy now: slow, tinted like a dream.

“Are you sure you should be alone right now?”

Miranda dropped her gaze. No, she wasn’t. She was pretty sure as soon as she sat down she was going to cry until she passed out. Passing out wasn’t the problem though. No, it was what happened when she woke up. Would she reach across the bed for Steve? Wonder why his side was cold? Wander into the kitchen, thinking that he’d gotten up early and was going to surprise her with breakfast?

Would she even wake up at all? Did she even  _ want  _ to?

And if — when — she woke up, would habit take over and she crack open Ben’s door to check on him? Would she make an extra-strong pot of coffee and set out three mugs while making hot chocolate for Ben? How far into her morning routine would she get before she remembered she was alone?

Miranda opened the door in silent invitation for Nat to join her. Natasha stepped inside, closing the door once she was inside. She pulled Miranda and held her tight, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as Miranda wrapped her arms around Natasha’s waist and finally let the sobs she’d kept bottled up explode out of her chest. Horrible, wet, pathetic sobs. Nat never let go or stopped rubbing her hand up and down Miranda’s back.

*****

“How’s your head?” Nat asked. She was sitting cross-legged on the bed when Miranda came back from the bathroom.

“Better,” Miranda said softly. She’d downed two bottles of water and some aspirin. She sipped at her third water bottle. “I just need to sleep it off at this point.”

“Okay,” Nat said. She got up and turned the sheets down, sliding in.

Miranda didn’t object — she was grateful Nat didn’t ask, actually. She wouldn’t said no even though she wants Nat to stay. She put her water down on the nightstand before sliding under the sheets herself.

“Nat,” Miranda said as Nat turned off the bedside lamp, plunging the room into relative darkness. She waited for Nat to settle on her side, facing her, before continuing. “How are you so calm?”

Nat sighed. “Because I’ve been through this before. Losing people close to me.” She paused, staring at Miranda’s face that was still puffy from crying. “A long time ago, I had a family of my own. A husband, a daughter. He was assigned to me by the Red Room. A young politician named Alexi. At first, I was just playing the part.”

“But you fell in love,” Miranda whispered.  _ Like Steve and I did _ , she thought, but left it unsaid.

“Mhm. And then we had a daughter, Sofia. She was the most beautiful creature I’d ever seen in my life,” Nat said, a soft smile tucking at her lips. “I shouldn’t have fallen in love with either of them, but I did. And for awhile, it didn’t seem to matter.” Nat paused.

Miranda waited. She grabbed Nat’s hand and pulled it to her lips. She scooted a little closer to her on the bed.

“Then priorities changed. The Red Room needed me elsewhere. I was ordered to kill them. Alexi and Sofia. She was only a few months old,” Natasha said.

Miranda saw the glint from a tear roll down Natasha’s face. She wiped it away.

“So I’m calm because I understand,” Natasha said. “Today will be the hardest of your life, and tomorrow harder. But eventually it gets better.”

“I checked my messages while you got us water,” Miranda confessed. “Apparently I’m supposed to plan Steve’s funeral. I’m listed first as his next-of-kin.” She fiddled with Nat’s fingers. “I didn’t sign up for this,” she mumbled, tears blurring her vision again. She wondered if they would ever stop.

“None of us ever do,  _ milaya _ , none of us ever do.”

*****

The pillowcase under her cheek was damp and her heart felt like it was being ripped out and squeezed in a vice at the same time. She sat up slowly, pushing her hair back from her face. It was morning, a new dawn, a new day. A new pain.

The date on her phone said it was May 17. May 17. Ben’s birthday. His sixth birthday.

Miranda curled into a ball and didn’t move. She knew better than to fight the tears and sobs by now. She let them come. Let each new wave of grief wash over her even though she was already drowning.

She didn’t notice that her phone had been ringing until Nat answered for her.

Nat hadn’t been there when she woke up. When had Nat come back in the room?

It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered.

Nat came back and sat on the bed. Miranda hadn’t noticed her leave.

“That was the florist,” Nat said.

It wasn’t Nat’s fault, or the florist’s, that Miranda exploded then. The day before had been a good day. She’d gotten through things. Made plans. Contacted people that needed to be contacted. Today wasn’t a good day. It was a bad day, and she was allowed those. She was allowed to hurt, to grieve, to scream and cry until it all came out. Sometimes that was better than keeping it bottled up, but not always. But today was a loud day, full of tears and anger.

And Natasha let her get it out. She let her get it out and then hugged her.

Miranda hugged Nat back just as tightly, suddenly feeling selfish. Nat needed support too. They could prop each other up, get through the day, then tomorrow, then the day after, each in their own time. Day by day.

*****

The time that they’d been allotted for the funerals was a courtesy that Miranda hadn’t fully expected. Even though the battle had ended in a draw, she hadn’t expected the council or the generals to actually give them time to mourn and bury their fallen teammates. But then again, she hadn’t entirely been functioning since the battle.

They’d flown to New York, taking the bodies with them. Pietro and Wanda had never expressed any desire as to where they wanted to be buried, and Miranda couldn’t imagine Steve would want to be anywhere but in New York. They set aside an acre on the Compound’s property to act as a cemetary. It wasn’t something they had needed before, but now it had three Avengers in it.

She felt like a ghost, a shell of her former self. She had thought she knew what grief felt like, but this grief was all-consuming. She’d run out of tears.

She didn’t cry when Steve’s casket was carried out to his final resting place, or when she was handed the folded flag from his casket. It scared her that she didn’t.

Words were said for Pietro, then Wanda, then Steve. Miranda wasn’t listening.

Instead, she was focused on how sunny it was. It was a beautiful day, really: clear skies, warm with a gentle breeze. Perfect for a picnic in the shade.

She watched as the three caskets lowered at the same time. Her hand wasn’t shaking when she tossed a fistful of dirt on each of their graves.

There are five stages of grief. There’s no particular order to them and it sure as hell isn’t a linear process. Miranda wasn’t sure what stage she was in anymore. She still felt hollow, but she also wanted to make Thanos pay.

She didn’t care what it would take.

*****

Miranda looked out across the green lawn of the Compound. If guests wanted to assume she was taking a moment to herself to recoup after Ben’s memorial service, a short little thing that was meant to be closure but wasn’t, she wasn’t going to stop them. They didn’t need to know she was strategizing how to take down Thanos once and for all. They were probably doing the same on their own anyway.

She absently played with the mother’s necklace round her neck. Was it a lie now, that Ben was gone; or was it always true, regardless? Was she still a mother?

She didn’t turn when Tony appeared by her side, merely glanced down before looking back towards the horizon. He said nothing for awhile, staring out at the horizon as well. The sunset was painting the sky pink and purple. Miranda thought it looked like a bruise.

“We have a mission,” Tony said, breaking the quiet.

Miranda took a deep breath. “So soon.”

“Special assignment — just the two of us. Apparently it requires our skill sets.”

“You sound thrilled,” Miranda said dryly. She turned to look at him. “They know I’m emotionally compromised, right?”

Tony shrugged. “Didn’t seem to bother them when I mentioned it.”

“Briefing in-flight?”

“When else?” Tony said wryly. “We leave in an hour.”

“Then I better change,” Miranda said flatly.

*****

Miranda scoffed.  _ Our skill sets _ . They could have sent anyone on this piddly little mission. She read over the incredibly brief briefing — it was bordering near uninformative it was so damn short — and repressed an eye roll.

It was supposed to be a quick mission: get in past the minimal defenses, disable the weapon, get out. There were some surveillance photos of the facility and the weapon room was marked on a blueprint of the facility but that was all. No description of the weapon. No detail of who made it, only that those who had it were possible allies of Thanos.

Miranda felt tight, like a livewire thrumming with energy. A mission was a welcome distraction, yes, but she wanted to go after Thanos. Catch him while he was still licking his wounds.

“They shouldn’t have cleared you for this,” Tony said. He looked worried.

Miranda sighed, running a hand through her hair. It crackled with static electricity. “That’s new,” she said absently.

“You’ve been generating static electricity since we left.”

“Ah.” She chewed her lip. “No, I shouldn’t have been. Orders are orders, I guess.”

“What do you think we’ll find?” Tony asked, flicking files across the touchscreen table.

“Something worth our fucking time or Ross is gonna have some explaining to do.”

Tony laughed. “I’m with you there.”

*****

Absolutely nothing could have prepared them for what they found in the weapon room. Absolutely nothing. Maybe that was why the briefing didn’t mention what the weapon was — how could it be easily explained that the weapon was a  _ child _ ?

Because that’s all that was in the room: a dark-haired girl who looked about ten years old.

“I’m sorry,” the girl said. Her blue eyes were red-rimmed and teary. “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

Miranda was the first to recover from the shock. “It’s okay, hun,” she said, slowly approaching the child. She knelt a few feet away.

“No, it’s not! They-they lied to me and made me hurt people!” she sobbed.

Miranda’s frown deepened as she reached out to help the girl calm down. The girl didn’t feel like anything Miranda had encountered before — except maybe — no, no that wasn’t possible. Right?

“What do you mean?” Miranda asked gently.

She nearly jumped out of her skin when the little girl reached out and grabbed her hand. A millisecond later her mind was flooded with the girl’s memories. When she came back to herself, Tony was standing defensively next to her.

“To-tony,” she panted, holding up a hand. “It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“What the hell was that?”

“She’s the, um, she’s the Tesseract,” Miranda said, trying to steady her heart rate. Memory-sharing had never made her react like this, but then again she’d never shared memories with a  _ cosmic cube _ before. “Her name is Kobik.”

“What?”

“We don’t have much time,” Miranda said, getting to her feet. “Tony, she’s the weapon.”

“I gathered as much but why the hell did they send us? We can’t just ‘disable’ her like we could a nuclear warhead,” Tony said, angry but hushed. Neither of them wanted to scare Kobik anymore than she already was.

“I know. But… we might not have to,” Miranda said. “She can rewrite reality.”

“Rewrite reality.”

Miranda nodded. “She’s done it already. Tony — Loki was supposed to lose in Manhattan. They made her change it.”

“Who’s they?”

“I don’t know. But, Tony, if she undoes that, if things go the way that they were meant to — Millions of people died in the Conquering. They didn’t have to.”

She watched Tony’s eyes as the idea was picked apart in his brain.

“But we would never meet,” he said, frowning. “You would have no reason to ever know the Avengers.”

“A small price, don’t you think?” Miranda said. “I-I don’t want to not know you either but we’re talking about millions of lives.”

“I can fix it,” Kobik piped up. She messily wiped her tears away as she got to her feet. “Make it so it’s like I didn’t change anything in the first place.”

“Do it.”

“Andy, wait, think about it longer —”

“Go ahead, Kobik. Go ahead.”

“You’re only say this because you’re hurting!”

“Tony!” Miranda said sharply, whirling to face him. “Millions. Of. People.”

“You’re not the only one who’s grieving.”

She glared at him. Turning to Kobik, she softened and bent down to be at eye level with her. She took Kobik’s hands in her own. “Can we see what it looks like?”

Kobik shifted on her feet. “I think so. I think I can make it so you still remember.”

“Okay. Just do your best,” Miranda said, smiling encouragingly.

_ You’re saving millions by sacrificing everything since New York. Millions. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen... Infinity War is gonna tear all our hearts out, I'm just beating Marvel to the punch okay...  
> Anyway, this is going to come in three parts. Chapter two is on deck and will be posted within the week, and chapter three is in-progress and will be posted sometime after chapter two is. Neither are going to be as long as this one though, but chapter three ends considerably happier than the other two so...


	2. But Then Everything Changed

Miranda shook her head. She felt fuzzy and heavy. In front of her was a podium with pieces of notebook paper scattered over it. The notes were in her handwriting. She had a presentation tool in her hand. Was she giving a presentation? The room was dark and full of… students. She blinked. She wasn’t sure if she was waking from or into a dream.

“Dr. Douglas, are you alright?” asked one of the students — a girl in Greek letters in the front row.

“Um.” Miranda tried to center herself. This was very disorienting. One second she was with Kobik and Tony in the middle of fuck-knows-where and now she was in a lecture hall with at least twenty undergrads.

Oh, right. Kobik. This must be what her life was supposed to be like.

“I suddenly don’t feel very well,” she said. “How much of class is left?”

“About fifteen minutes,” the girl said.

“Okay, um, I’m going to cut it short today. I’ll post the PowerPoint later,” she said, the words fitting strangely in her mouth. She was used to being the student, not the professor but now here she was. “See you all next class.”

She rubbed her eyes, trying not to sag in front of her class. Shaking her head again to clear her thoughts, she began to gather her notes, tapping the pile against the podium to straighten them.

“Dr. Douglas?”

Miranda looked up. It was the same girl. Perhaps Miranda was her advisor? Or maybe this girl just really liked the class. The date on the computer said it was March. Midterms? Was that a thing now? Or had they passed already? Essays? God, what was on her syllabus?

“Yeah?” she said.

“You don’t look very well. Did something happen?”

Miranda chuckled. “You could say that. But I think I just have a migraine. Thank you for your concern.”

The girl nodded. “I hope you feel better.” Then she left, Miranda’s murmured thanks following her.

She sifted through her bag — which was her bag, obviously, since she was the professor but wasn’t because this wasn’t her life except it was. This was going to be a hell of an adjustment period.

Thankfully, her organizational habits didn’t change across timelines. (Universes?) Her office was blessedly listed on the class syllabus. That was what she’d mainly been hoping for. That and the class schedule. She bit her lip. She needed to learn everything that she was supposed to know in this life.

To her office then. Now, if only she knew which building she was supposed to go to… She didn’t even know which building she’d just stepped out of.

“Douglas!” someone said. He looked like a professor, so Miranda stopped and waited for him to catch up. “How’re you doing?”

“Okay,” she said. “I’ve got a migraine and can’t remember where anything is, but I’m okay.” She felt like she could joke with him. Maybe they’re friends. Are this life’s memories starting to surface? God, she hoped so.

“That sounds pretty bad. Good thing our offices are by each other’s, huh?”

“Yeah,” Miranda said, nodding. She just about melted with relief.

She let him talk about his classes and other things that were happening around campus. The way he phrased things made her think that she was new — then she realized that it was her first semester here.

Her memories were coming in. She could cry tears of joy.

“We still on for lunch tomorrow?” he asked as they reached their offices.

“Sure are, Chase,” she said as she unlocked her office. “Wouldn’t miss it.” Then she stepped inside.

*****

The sun was going down when she left her office and she really did have a migraine now. She’d emailed her classes, sending out presentations and adjusting the schedules as needed, then spent the afternoon learning who the fuck she was. Which, since she apparently didn’t need a social media presence in this life, was really fucking hard. How was she supposed to figure out what had happened since 2012 if she couldn’t stalk herself on social media? All she had was a few tweets, the newest already a year old; and a Facebook that was full of shared political posts and random thesis pitching. She’d expected the posts from Norway — of course she’d gotten there in this timeline. She’d gone, come back, graduated and gone on to graduate school. Now she was a professor. But what else happened in the timeframe, she didn’t know.

Memories were dribbling in, sure, but she’d like to get up to speed as soon as humanly possible. Oh fuck.  _ Humanly _ . She wasn’t a mutant anymore, she’d never been Hydra’s unwitting guinea pig which meant she never got super-serumed or anything else. She was just a normal human.

She stared at her steering wheel, partly wondering where the fuck home was and partly how much knowledge she had that, in this timeline, she shouldn’t have. The Sokovia Accords had happened — were happening? — and Tony supported them wholeheartedly. This Tony, anyway. Not the one she knew. But she’d  _ written _ parts of the Accords that they knew, and knew that she’d conceded to the Raft to prevent Project Wideawake. What were they like here? Was the Raft a thing? Was it public knowledge?  _ Was Project WIdeawake underway? _

She wanted to call Tony but already knew he wasn’t in her phone. She shouldn’t call him anyway — they weren’t supposed to know each other. She wasn’t supposed to know any of them more than having seen them on the news.

“This is so fucking confusing,” she groaned, lightly banging her head on the steering wheel. Then she sat up, biting her lip for a moment before starting her car and pulling out of the parking lot. Maybe if she slept on it, things would make more sense in the morning.

*****

Miranda stared at the cat. The cat stared back.

“You’re a cat,” she said. The cat said nothing. “Why are you in my apartment?”

The cat ran off into another room, the tags on its collar tinkling like a little bell. Miranda watched it go, wondering how long she’d had a cat or if it was even her cat in the first place. And since she nearly stepped on a cat toy, she was going with it's hers.

“What kind of person doesn’t post about their pet on Facebook?” she wondered aloud, picking up the toy and tossing it in a basket of what looked like other cat toys next to the couch. “Okay, self,” she said with her hands on her hips. “Time for the grand tour.”

She was in the living room, that much was clear. It opened into the kitchen to her right, and the rest of the apartment seemed to be in that direction too. It wasn’t a large apartment — two bed, one bath — but she found a washer and dryer jammed into the hall closet, and the kitchen was big enough to hold a table that could seat four comfortably. There was lots of counter space in the kitchen and big windows in the living room. It was nice, cozy. What she would have picked for herself if her life had gone the way she’d planned.

Which it did, here, now, she reminded herself. This was what her life looked like if it had gone according to plan, if she hadn’t been completely thrown out of the realm of her reality by Loki’s invasion and him subsequently finding her to be a curiosity.

She leaned against the counter, waiting for the microwave to finish reheating the leftovers she’d taken out of the fridge. She heard the cat before she saw it. It ignored her as it drank from its water dish, which she’d just refilled. She’d filled the food dish, too. Apparently, she just left out dry food so the cat could eat whenever it wanted. There was some wet food in one of the cabinets though. Maybe she mixed it up? Eh, she’d figure it out later.

She sat down on the couch and flicked through the channels on her tv. There wasn’t much of anything on, but she stopped on a news channel when she saw “Stark Industries” along the bottom of her screen.

“And now, onto our next story. Local officials are investigating the murder—”

Miranda turned the tv off. Whatever it was, she’d missed it.

*****

In the middle of the night, she woke up because she felt someone breathing on her face. Normally, it’d be nothing, but given that she’d struggled for nearly two hours to fall asleep because she wasn’t used to sleeping alone, it freaked her out. The glowing eyes freaked her out even more.

So maybe it was reasonable that she ended up scrabbling backward out of her bed and landing on her floor when she heard something that sounded like a drowning engine. It was totally reasonable that she hurried to turn on her lights and grab the baseball bat that was propped up against the wall, right? Maybe in this timeline she didn’t have Avenger training, but she damn well did in her old life.

“What the fuck?” she hissed when she saw it was  _ the fucking cat _ . It made the weird drowning engine noise again. “ _ Why? _ ” She lowered the bat and leaned it back up against the wall, dragging a hand down her face. “Why did I adopt you? Was I aware you made weird noises when I did? I have a feeling I wasn’t.”

The cat stared at her. It seemed to do a lot of staring.

“Just, I don’t know, take me to where the problem is.” The cat jumped off the bed and ran past her, out of the room. Surprised that actually worked, she followed.

The water dish was empty. She glared at the cat as she picked up the bowl and refilled it. It made a purring noise when she set it down.

“Oh, so you do make normal cat noises,” she said. “Great. How ‘bout next time, you either wait until morning, or you just make a normal noise, ‘kay? I don’t need a heart attack in the middle of the night because you want water.”

She sat down on the floor, still trying to relax from the adrenaline rush. The cat came over and curled up in her lap. Absently, she started petting it.

“I’m single, I live alone, and I talk to my cat. What even is my life? Hm? Do you can any ideas, kitty-cat?” She paused. “What’s your name?” She twisted the collar hoping she’d gotten a name tag. She had.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she said flatly. She looked at the cat. It stared back with its one blue and one green eye. The blue was on the tabby face of its face, the green on the black side. Its body was tortoiseshell. “I named you Loke. Does the universe hate me or something?”

Loke purred. Miranda sighed and pet her cat until she felt calm enough to try sleeping again.

*****

By the time she’d been there a week, Miranda had gotten used to the swing of things in her life. She taught four different history classes, all pre-1600 because she was the resident medievalist; was apparently working on a paper about the implications of Asgard being a real place (which was hilariously wrong at some points, but this Miranda hadn’t been to Asgard so it wasn’t her fault); went to lunch with the other newish professor, Patrick Chase, every Thursday; and spent evenings planning for classes. She threw in going to the gym daily because she’d just about gotten crushed to death when she tried shifting her bookshelf and forgot to counter for her lack of super serum-strength-and-grace. Maybe she didn’t need to be in fighting shape, but she wanted to be.

Over Easter weekend, she had two projects: grading papers in her intro class (history to 1500), and researching basically everything since 2012 that was related to the Avengers. The papers were done in a few hours on Friday night, which left her the rest of the weekend to find out what had happened to her team.

She winced. They weren’t her team here. They didn’t even know she existed.

She opened her browser and took a sip of wine. She kept googling until she had a rough timeline of events:

2012: Loki was stopped in Manhattan. The Avengers are thrust into the front of everyone’s mind. Superheroes were no longer stories. The following Christmas, Tony Stark disappeared, presumed dead, then turned back up. Allegedly announced his retirement from being Iron Man.

2013: Aliens invaded London and made a mess of things. Thor was there.

2014: SHIELD is revealed to have been infiltrated by Hydra through every level. Project Insight lands in the Potomac, allegedly because of Captain America. The Winter Soldier is seen by dozens of witnesses.

2015: Sokovia. Pietro died, but that was barely mentioned.

2016: The news called it “Civil War.” The bombing in Vienna. Arrests in Bucharest. Steve, Bucky, and Sam put on a watch list. A fight in a Berlin airport. The break-up of the Avengers, the only ones left standing apparently being Tony and Vision. Rhodey was seriously injured. It was unclear what happened to Nat. Everyone else was labeled a fugitive.

Miranda stared at the last article she had up — the one about the Avengers who were now fugitives. She wanted to throw up. Zemo was still accused of the Vienna bombing, but it had taken longer. There was something that the news outlets didn’t know — something happened between Berlin and… whenever the “civil war” ended. Something made this Tony give up on this Steve. Made this Steve lose faith in this Tony.

Sure, sometimes they got on each other’s nerves. They always had. Miranda didn’t question it. But what was so damn big that it drove them apart? It wasn’t the Sokovia Accords, no matter their shape in this time. They’d disagree, yes, and argue about it just as they had.

She wondered what Zemo had planned to do with Bucky. He had the book, was that the same here? There would have been no one to stop Zemo from triggering the Winter Soldier protocols in Bucky.  _ She _ only had because she didn’t trust the CIA, recommended psychologist or no. There had to be something there. The story diverged during the power outage, she was sure of it. Everything that happened after that was unknowable to her.

Loke rubbed against her legs.

“Thanks, Loke,” she mumbled, reaching down to pet him. He purred. Miranda set her laptop aside and curled up into the corner of her couch. Loke took the opportunity to jump into her lap. “I suppose I should check in on Tony, huh? He’s definitely having a tougher time than I am. He doesn’t have an annoying cat to keep him sane.”

Loke made an offended noise.

Miranda laughed. “You  _ are _ annoying, and the more I get to know you, the more I know your name fits.” She grabbed her phone and googled Tony. The most recent news was about his wedding with Pepper Potts (she kept her name). Most recent Stark Industries news was about how it seemed to be faltering in the wake of the dissolution of the Avengers. Miranda doubted it since the so-called civil war was nearly two years ago, but what did she know anymore.

Well, the Avengers Complex was in the same place — but Tony had sold Avengers Tower in 2017. The Avengers Complex wasn’t far, according to Google Maps. Only about a three-hour drive north of where she was, actually. Which was about half an hour outside of Albany.

“Can take the girl outta New York…” she laughed. Then scooping up the cat in her lap, she headed towards her bedroom. “Come on, Loke, Momma’s goin’ on a road trip.”

*****

Miranda wanted to know who was staffing the Avengers’ welcome desk because this lady wasn’t even sweating and Miranda was giving her a look that had  _ Steve Rogers _ second-guess his decisions. It would be impressive if she wasn’t so annoyed.   
“Ma’am, I can’t let you in if you don’t have a scheduled appointment.”

“All I need you to do is page Mr. Stark and let him know I’m here,” Miranda said, any semblance of politeness long gone. “He knows who I am, appointment or no.”

“That’s against protocol.”

Miranda clenched her jaw and took a deep breath. “What do I have to do to get past this desk?”

“Schedule an appointment with Mr. Stark. His next availability is May 3 at one o’clock.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Miranda said. She quirked an eyebrow.

The staring contest broke when the phone on the desk rang. The lady answered.

“ _ Mrs. Marshall, why aren’t you sending up Dr. Douglas?” _ Tony said on the other end.  _ “She’s my one o’clock and you’re making her late.” _

“She’s —” Mrs. Marshall stammered, looking at the computer. She ground her teeth. “She’s on her way up, Mr. Stark.” She angrily handed Miranda a visitor’s badge.

“Thank you, Mrs. Marshall,” Miranda said sweetly, pinning it to her jacket lapel.

“Welcome, Dr. Douglas,” Friday greeted as she stepped into the elevator.

“Thanks, Friday. Take me to Tony, would you?”

“That’s the plan, ma’am.”

*****

Tony’s lab didn’t look all that different, really. Other than not being allowed in without a visitor’s badge, not much was different about the compound at all. It was nice. Miranda felt like she was coming home.

“Finally, a familiar face!” Tony said, hugging her tightly. She squeezed back just as hard.

“Congrats, I read about you and Pepper tying the knot,” Miranda said.

“Yeah. It’s — it’s weird. A good weird. One of the only good weirds about this place.”

Miranda smiled softly. “Your life —”

“Sucks. I love Pep, but everything since Berlin has been… bad. Really bad.”

“How’s Rhodey?”

“He’s holding up. He can almost walk without supports now.” He hugged her again. “It’s been maddening.”

“I wish I could say same but the weirdest thing in my life right now is my cat,” Miranda said as they separated.

“You have a cat?”

“I’m single and my roommate is a cat named Loke, so you could say the universe hates me. But then I read the news… so.” She let out a breath.

“Fair. Loke? Really?”

“I’m a medievalist with an interest in the Viking era, sue me.” She shrugged. She didn’t quite get it either. “Thanks for squeezing me into your schedule, by the way.”

“I cleared my afternoon, actually,” Tony said, going back to his workbench. “My real one o’clock just found out he has to reschedule.”

“Tony,” Miranda said.

“I’ve met him before and he’s an asshole from the DOD who wants to discuss the direction the Avengers are taking. They’ve been trying for years to add people to the Avengers as replacements, but they also want my approval.”

“Which they aren’t getting.”

“Precisely,” he said, pointing at her with a screwdriver. “And with what I know, it’s not happening anytime soon. You should see the candidates they send, Andy — the Avengers are supposed to be an elite team that saves the world. They keep sending soldiers. Good soldiers, I’ll admit, but they’d make terrible Avengers.”

“They’re missing what makes us Avengers, huh?” She paused as Tony looked up at her. “That volatile mix of self-sacrifice and a golden heart wrapped up in reckless heroism.”

He laughed. “I suppose that is us, huh?”

“In any universe.” She looked around the workshop. “You know I can’t stay long, right?”

“Why not? There’s plenty of open rooms. I think yours is, in fact.”

“Tony, I’m a professor. A new one — I only started this semester. I can’t just  _ leave _ . Besides, I’m not Avenger material anymore.”

“What the hell do you mean by that?” Tony said. “You haven’t changed that much in the month we’ve been here, have you?”

“I’m not a mutant, I’m not serumed. I just started going to the gym three weeks ago. I can barely lift fifty pounds here. I could press nearly 200 before without breaking a sweat. My max was over 400.”

“You can get back up to that, can’t you?”

“It’ll take time. But even then I’m not a mutant.”

“We’ve got time. There’s trainers here. Get you back into fighting shape in no time.”

“And my powers?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You don’t need them. You’d be strong without them,” Tony said definitively. “I need you here. I’m going crazy, Andy. My memories of this life… they come in and I can’t…” He stared very intensely at the project in front of him. “I want to go back.”

Miranda didn’t want to admit that she did too, so she reminded them both why they were there in the first place: “We saved millions of people by doing this, Tony.”

“At what cost?” Tony said, standing so they were closer to eye level. “At what cost, Andy? Rhodey may never walk on his own, the Accords are a millstone around the Avengers’ necks, and most of the team are fugitives, including your boyfriend — who, by the way, tried to kill me to protect Bucky.”

“What?” she sputtered. “Why would Steve try to —”

“— Because I was trying to kill Barnes.” Tony took a deep breath. “The Winter Soldier killed my parents.”

Miranda sat down on the nearest stool. That was the piece she’d been missing.

“I — well, this timeline’s me — was so angry that he just… snapped. And I get it, I do, I was livid when I remembered, but I also know Barnes. This Barnes can’t be that different, right? But when it all happened, and even now, this version of me doesn’t. Didn’t get the chance to.”

“So, the whole civil war thing in the news…”

“Not entirely a gross exaggeration.” Tony ruffled his hair. “I know that none of it was his fault, that he was brainwashed and a shell of who he was, but… he killed my mom.”

“They used mind control,” Miranda said. “There’s a whole book on how to control him.”

“I know. I got to learn that this time ‘round. How do you…?”

“I stopped Zemo, remember? And then Bucky asked me to read it. So I could control him if things went south.”

“This timeline is messed up,” Tony said, sitting back down himself.

Miranda nodded in agreement. “Ours isn’t much better.”

*****

Loke made his engine noise when she came home, which by now she knew meant he wanted something. Usually food or water. So she got him dinner and then herself.

She wasn’t paying much attention to the episode of Law & Order: SVU that she had put on for the noise more than anything else. She was mindlessly flicking through apps on her phone, trying to convince herself to take her dishes into the kitchen, but she found out that she had Tinder and yeah, she was swiping through matches. Well first she had to edit her profile, but then she started swiping through matches.

It was weird. She kinda felt like she was cheating, but in this life she was single as fuck and if the basket in the back of her closet was any hint, she was having a hell of a dry spell. So she was on Tinder.

She swiped right on an artist from Brooklyn. She liked his beard and blue eyes — plus his profile was nice. He had pictures of him with dogs, with a bi flag like a cape, and one staring off dramatically into the sunset over a jungle and another over Paris. She guessed he was well traveled.

He messaged first.

_ Hey _

She rolled her eyes. Strong start, Mr. Nathaniel Grant.

_ Hi _ , she sent back.

_ If I’m honest, I don’t really know what I’m doing. My friend set my profile up for me. _

_ I wish I had the friend excuse lol _

_ I don’t really know what I’m doing either _

_ She says that we’re supposed to flirt _

_ She’s there rn? Tell her I say hi lol _

_ Lol _

_ She says hi back _

_ Okay, so you flirt first or me? _

_ I guess I’ll bite the bullet since I messaged first? _

_ Sounds good to me. Your move ;) _

_ You must be a keyboard because you’re my type _

_ omg that’s awful I love it _

_ Do you work for Domino’s? Cause you’re a fine pizza ass _

_ Are you a campfire? Cause you’re hot and I want s’more _

_ If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable _

_ Okay question _

_ Shoot _

_ Are you googling for these too or is that just me? _

_ Yes I did lol _

_ You’re such a dork _

_ A-dork-able? _

_ Lord help me _

_ You’re hot AND you’re a fucking dork I can’t _

_ Do you like raisins? _

_ Off-topic but I mean I guess? They’re not awful _

_ How would you feel about a date? _

_ Did you just _

_ Did you ask me out with a fucking pun?????? _

_ Is that a no? _

_ No it’s not a no _

_ So? _

_ Are you free next Friday around 7? _

_ Yeah I am _

 

Miranda bit her lip, smiling. She had a date with a guy who made bad puns.

“Maybe things aren’t so bad, Loke,” she said, scratching his head as he insistently pushed his head against her hand. “If only I could fix things for Tony.”

*****

They agreed to meet up at a restaurant that was kinda halfway for both of them. Nathaniel somehow beat her there but traffic wasn’t great so she could always blame that. At least the restaurant wasn’t that crowded — which was kinda surprising for a Friday night but maybe that’s because it was a little out of the way or because it wasn’t five star or something.

Nathaniel caught her eye when she came in and waved. She smiled and waved back, weaving through tables to get to theirs. He rose and pulled out her chair for her.

A gentleman, just like Steve, she thought. It stung.

“Hi, sorry I’m a little late,” she said, taking off her light jacket.

“It’s alright, I was a little early,” he said.

Miranda nearly choked on her spit before she recovered herself. She slung her jacket over the back of the chair and sat down.

“It’s, um, nice to meet you in person,” he said as he sat back down.

Miranda tried very, very hard not to gawk at him. “Uh, yeah. Pictures don’t do you justice.”

“Is there something wrong?” he asked, his brow furrowing.

Oh, that was so like him it was ripping her heart out.

“No, no, sorry. It’s just you look a lot like — a friend of mine who, um, passed recently,” she said. “I hadn’t noticed before.”  _ Because I hadn’t heard your voice yet and you’re a hell of a lot more angry than my Steve. _

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Nathaniel —  _ Steve _ because she’d know his voice anywhere (and apparently anywhen) — said sincerely.

“So, what looks good?” she asked, turning her attention to the menu. She held it up as much as was appropriate to hide behind it while she fought to keep her panic internal because here she was, in New York, sitting across from Steve Rogers, this time’s version of him, who was very much alive and  _ very much a wanted fugitive _ so if she started acting weird he’d think it was related to that and then she’d be screwed because the “friend” that set up his Tinder was undoubtedly Nat. Any Nat was gonna play matchmaker with Steve. And she was probably in the restaurant.

Miranda frowned at herself when she realized she was white-knuckling the menu. She loosened her grip and took a deep breath, getting herself under control. It was just a date with Steve, she could get through this. So why did she feel like she was going to spontaneously combust?

By the time the waitress came to take their orders, she’d calmed down enough that it was like nothing was wrong. Which nothing  _ was _ except she had to catch herself from calling him “Steve” or saying things that she only knows because, to her, she’s known him for five years. He’d known her for maybe five minutes.

“Is everything alright?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah, yeah,” she stuttered. “You just, um… I just keep seeing him in your face and it’s… it’s more than I was prepared for.” She closed her eyes, brow furrowing and lips rolling inward. “That sounds weird, god, I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay, I get it. I used to see one of my friends in everyone’s face. I kept hoping it was him even though it wasn’t.”

_ He’s talking about Bucky _ , she thought. She nodded, a jerking, nervous movement. She knew too much, far too much for this to work. “So, uh, what do you do in your free time?”

Steve smiled, the one that made his eyes crinkle even though he was just covering awkwardness. It was genuine, it was soft, and it ripped her heart out.

“I travel when I can, draw when I can’t.”

“An artist who draws in his free time, that makes sense.”

“And I’m sure you never watch history documentaries,” he said, smirking over his glass of water.

“Touche,” she said, nearly tacking ‘captain’ onto it. She covered by taking a sip from her own glass. She’d make a terrible spy.

“But what do you do?” he asked.

“I do watch documentaries, but mostly I try to stay away from historical stuff during my free time. So I end up playing games on my phone a lot, or with my cat.”  _ Or driving up to visit Tony _ . “It’s less lonely than it sounds?”

Steve laughed. “I doubt it.”

“You’re right, it’s  _ way  _ lonelier than it sounds.” They both laughed.

From then on, Miranda felt herself loosening, her anxiety slowly fading to manageable levels. She could pretend it was just a first date. After all, the man sitting across from her had experienced the last seven years in a very different way than she had. Well, she had experienced them, in a way, since she was slowly but surely remembering things from this life. (Not much was worth anything since she’d spent most of her time in grad school — it wasn’t very interesting or useful to remember studying relentlessly or drunkenly writing papers.)

By the time they left, they were laughing. Enjoying themselves.

She had his number, and he had hers. They set up a second date.

Miranda wasn’t sure what the skip in her step meant anymore — which man was she falling in love with, the memory or this one?

*****

It was raining heavily when she left her office the following Wednesday. Her umbrella in hand, she strode out into the rain to get to her car. She was stopped as she was crossing the quad by a woman who also had an umbrella.

_ Natasha _ .

“Dr. Douglas?” she asked. Her hair was a white-blonde color, barely reaching her shoulders. Miranda wondered what her cover was this time.

“Who’s asking?” Miranda shifted, uneasy. She reminded herself that she knew next to nothing about this woman.

“I’m a friend of Nathaniel’s.”

“Oh, are you the one who set him up on Tinder?” she asked, relaxing. She prayed Natasha would chalk her nerves up to being approached by a stranger, nothing more.

“Yup. He said you’ve got a second date.”

“We do. Week from tomorrow, I think it was.”

“It is.”

Miranda nodded, rocking back on her heels. “Is there something I can do for you? I’m assuming you made the drive for a reason.”

“How do you know Tony Stark?”

Miranda swallowed. Of course Nat had looked into everything about her, going deeper than she would have for a first date. And with her phone number now… hacking her contacts list wasn’t hard.

“Perhaps we should go somewhere drier? We can use my office.”

“Most people get defensive,” Natasha said. Miranda knew her well enough to know she’d caught her off guard.

“I’m not most people. Come on, it’s raining too heavy to stand out here much longer,” she said, turning to go back to her office. Natasha followed close behind.

Once in her office, Miranda shrugged off her coat, replacing it and her bag in their spots that she had removed them from less than five minutes prior. So much for leaving early.

“You can sit,” she said, closing her door. It wouldn’t do to have anyone overhear, or have an undergrad come by hoping to catch her outside office hours. She sat in her desk chair, swiveling to face the couch.

Nat sat primly on the edge of the cushion. “So you know Tony Stark.”

“Not how you think,” Miranda said. She chewed her lip. “Are you familiar with the multiverse theory?”

“Somewhat,” Natasha said. Her eyes narrowed. “Are you saying that —”

“I’m from a different universe? Yeah. Tony is from the same one. But we haven’t been here the whole time, per se. The versions of us that belong here have been, but we’ve only been here since March.” She bit her lip again. “I reached out to Tony because I wanted to make sure he was okay. Things are so different here, Nat, it’s driving us both crazy.”

“I never introduced myself,” Natasha said.

Miranda sighed. “No, you didn’t.”

“But you know me.”

“You, Steve, Tony, Clint, Sam, Wanda, Pietro, Bruce, Thor… I know all of you.”

“How?”

“I told you, I’m from a different universe. I’m one of the Avengers there,” she said.  _ Start small. _

“And why should I believe you? Anyone with news coverage can name all the Avengers, dead included.”

“For me, Pietro survived Sokovia. Lots of this are different here. Steve and Tony… they aren’t, they… They’re friends. Good friends, even if they get on each other’s nerves sometimes. You have to trust me, I would never do anything to hurt Steve, and I’m not a liar.”

“Why should I believe you? I’m not asking again.”

Miranda sighed, chewing her lip and worrying her hands. She could only think of one thing that would make Natasha believe her. Something she couldn’t know unless Natasha had told her herself. “You were married once. A young politician named Alexi. Your daughter was Sofia. The Red Room made you kill them,” she said quietly, not meeting Natasha’s eyes. “You told me that when I was grieving.”

“Grieving who?” Natasha asked, her voice low. She wasn’t sure if it was anger or tears or both that changed her tone.

“Steve. And my son, Ben,” Miranda said, wiping away a tear. A black smear from her mascara was on the back of her hand now. “Thanos killed Steve, and Ben… Loki was supposed to take him somewhere safe. He miscalculated.”

“I have a lot of questions.”

“And I’ll answer them,” Miranda said, looking up at Nat. “I’ll answer all of them.”

*****

Why a coffee shop was neutral ground, Miranda wasn’t sure, but she’d found a booth in the back and it was quiet, so there wasn’t much risk of being overheard. But then again, the guy sitting by the window but facing inwards was Sam.

She shifted in her seat, taking another sip of her mocha. It didn’t help that she nearly jumped out of skin every time the door’s bells chimed when someone opened it. This time it was them, though. Natasha saw her first, tugging Steve’s arm to turn him in the direction. She pointed towards Miranda, who nodded. They bought coffee before they sat down.

“Hi,” Miranda said quietly. She had put lipstick on so she wouldn’t chew her lip. It was working okay. Not great, but okay.

“Hello,” Steve said stiffly. “Nat says you’re from a different universe.”

Miranda nodded. “I am.”

“And you’re an Avenger?”

“Yes.” She looked him dead in the eye and squared her shoulders. “I get that you’re skeptical. You’ve every reason to be. But when I planned a date with you, I didn’t know who you were. I don’t know how I didn’t recognize a Wakandan sunset, but I didn’t.”

“Nat mentioned that you and the Steve Rogers you knew dated for a time.”

“Yeah. But when we faced Thanos, he died. I thought that burying him was going to be the most pain I’d ever go through because of him, but… You of all people should understand how much it hurts to look someone in the eye and know that they don’t have a clue who you are,” she said, locking eyes with him.

Steve clenched his jaw and took a deep breath. “Is that supposed to make us sympathetic?”

“I’m not a spy for anyone.”

“Not even Stark?”

“No. We’re friends, good friends, yes, but I’m not a spy. I didn’t mean to find you.”

“Why should we believe you? Nat told me almost everything you told her, but I’m not entirely convinced,” Steve said. He was angry, and she understood, she did, but that didn’t make it any easier to see him angry at  _ her _ .

She racked her brain for something to say. “You prefer apple cake to apple pie — no, no — I mean that’s true but,” she took a deep breath, “you have a birthmark on the inside of your right thigh. It’s shaped like the state of New Jersey and you hate it when I say that. You hate it even more because it’s a sensitive spot and I exploit it to the moon and back.”

Steve leaned forward across the table. “How do you know that?”

“We dated for almost two years. We were… intimate.”

“You can say ‘fucked,’” Nat said. She sipped her latte. “He’s not as old-fashioned as everyone thinks.”

“I know,” Miranda said. “But it’s kind of rude to tell a stranger that you’ve fucked him enough times to know his weak spots. The blushing was predictable, but the kinks were not.”

Steve held up a hand, cutting off any question that Nat may have been about to ask. “I didn’t come here to discuss my alter ego’s sex life.”

“If you want me to tell you anything about Thanos, I’ll tell you the same thing I told Natasha: not without Tony.” 

“Fine. Then we’re going to pay Stark a visit.”

“Should I call ahead or would you prefer to be arrested on our way in?” Miranda asked, already texting Tony. “Oh, and tell Sam he needs to relax. I’m not going to sprout horns or something.”

 

They went in the back way. Tony had said that the only difference in security was the passcodes, which he gave her the second time she’d come to visit, so getting in wasn’t difficult. It wasn’t even that hard to get around unseen.

“You really know your way around this place,” Sam said.

“I lived here for a few months once. My son was a toddler and _ very _ good at hide-n-seek,” she said, peeking around a corner before striding down the hall. “I had to find every nook and cranny in this place.” She stopped in front of a panel in the wall and crouched to press in the bottom right corner. It popped open and she slid it out of the way.

“That’s new,” Steve said.

“No, you just didn’t know about it,” Miranda said, typing the code into the keypad. “Tony was surprised I did, so don’t feel too bad.” The door swung open and she swept her arm in, letting them go in ahead of her so she could replace the panel.

They didn’t go in very far. Miranda rolled her eyes, striding around them. She slipped her coat off her shoulders and tossed it over a workbench.

“Tony?” she called out. His head popped up from behind a table. “Lose something?”

“Is it lost if I found it? I see you’ve managed to get our guests in,” he said, rising to his full height.

“Secret passages are fun. But we probably don’t have much time,” Miranda said, jolting Tony back into the moment. She knew he was having the same moment she had when she realized Steve was alive and right in front of her.

“Friday is running interference. Nobody should bother us for a couple of hours.”

“Stark,” Steve said, “we’re only here because Dr. Douglas said she has information about Thanos. Information you also know.”

“You’re a lot more formal here, Capsicle,” Tony said. Turning to Miranda, “You weren’t kidding about the beard.”

“Why would I lie about the beard? And I sent you pictures.”

Tony shrugged. “It looked fake. Anyway, Cap, I’ve got no hard feelings.”

“That seems unlikely.”

“You were protecting Barnes, I get it. Look, where we’re from, I got to know Barnes. I didn’t even know the Winter Soldier killed my parents until I got here. But I forgive him — I know it wasn’t his fault, and he already carries a lot of guilt. Doesn’t need my help beating him up for it.”

“You forgive him?”

“Yes? Is it easier if I say ‘Bucky’? cause I feel like there’s a bit of a communication error here,” Tony said, gesturing between the two of them.

“I didn’t think you had it in you.”

“Steven, you wound me,” Tony said, putting a hand over his heart. “But more seriously, we’ve got bigger things to worry about than what happened then. I’m not him, she’s not really a history professor, Thanos is coming and if it’s the same as it was for us, he’s coming soon.”

“How soon?” Nat asked.

“T minus twelve days, if the calendar is the same here,” Miranda said, arms crossed. “That’s not much time, I know, but it’s what we’ve got.”

“We’ll make it work,” Steve said. “Just tell us what you know.”

“I’ve got one better.” Tony held up a headband.

“You still invented B.A.R.F. here,” Miranda said, smiling. “That makes this so much easier.”

“Ladies first?” Tony said. Miranda nodded, taking the headband from him.

She slid it over her head. “If you didn’t believe me before,” she said, “I’m not gonna believe you don’t after this.”

“The framework is set up over here,” Tony said, moving towards it. “The hologram isn’t great without something to wrap around, but I didn’t have time to build a blank set. However, Andy’s pretty good at the whole memory thing.”

“I’m flattered,” Miranda said, turning on the headband as she stood in the middle of what set there was, “but without my powers, I don’t even know how well this will work.”

“I guess we’ll find out. Engaging in three, two, one,” Tony said from the controls.

Miranda took a deep breath and closed her eyes so she could focus on the memory she wanted to share. She had seen the whole battle from the control center, so it seemed like the best place to start.

When she opened her eyes, she wasn’t in Tony’s workshop. She wasn’t in the B.A.R.F. framework either.

Kobik shifted on her feet. “It seemed like a good time to pull you out,” she said quietly.

Miranda heard Tony start next to her. He took a step back to regain his balance. She took a deep breath through her nose, grounding herself as her mind was flooded with information thanks to her powers.

“The guards are coming on their rounds,” she said, getting to her feet. “We have to move.”

“Are we not going to talk about what just happened?” Tony said.

“Nothing we learned is going to do us any good if we don’t get out of here,” Miranda said, a bit harsher than she intended. “Kobik, I’m not going to force you to do anything, but I think you should come with us.”

Kobik nodded, latching onto Miranda. She looked at Tony, who nodded. They left as quickly and unobtrusively as they came.

 

On the quinjet, Kobik curled up, lying across a supply case and fell asleep. Miranda and Tony sat in the cockpit, talking quietly to let her rest.

“None of it actually happened,” Miranda said. “I asked her to show us, not take us there.”

“But it’s all true, isn’t it? That’s what was supposed to happen.”

“I think it’s more what would have happened if Loki had lost in Manhattan.”

“Which Kobik said is what was supposed to happen,” Tony said. He paused. “I’m not sure it’s better that way.”

“I’m not either,” Miranda admitted. “But there has to be some kind of compromise, right?”

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

She told him her ideas. There were a few events she thought they could alter, enough to be the best of both worlds while still following a sequence that kept her in the loop. As she told him, it dawned on her the truth in Skuld’s prophecy:

_ And you, dear lady, to your heart be true, for weirds of worlds rest on you. _

This was it. Perhaps it was one of many moments about to happen or one of many that had happened in the long line of things that have and will happen in her life. But this moment, her compromise, was going to change the fate of the world, and with it, the universe.

“Are you sure that’ll work?” Tony said after she’d finished.

“I don’t know. But it’s this or we fight for the gauntlet. I think they’re the only two shots we’ve got — we have to rewrite reality somehow. If we don’t, nothing changes. We just move forward.” She bit her lip. “I’m not one to dwell on the past, but…” She sighed. “I think it hurt more for Steve to look at me and not know who I was than it did to bury him.”

“The Avengers were scattered because of my actions,” Tony said slowly, resting his elbows on his knees and leaning forward.

“That’s not —”

“But it is. If I had just calmed down for one second…”

“You can’t beat yourself up over it. It didn’t happen.”

“But it could of. It could of,” he said, locking eyes with her. “We’ll go with your plan. It’s worth the risk, right? Now that we’ve seen the alternative.” He leaned back in his seat.

Miranda rolled her lips. “We won’t know unless we try.”

*****

They snuck Kobik into the Avengers Compound, hiding in one of the empty dorms. Miranda and Kobik sat facing each other on the bed, hands resting on their knees, palms up. Meditating.

Miranda felt the world melt and shift around her, reality becoming a tangible thing that she could shape, mold into what she wanted. She could see paths unfold as she looked at decisions, choices; some affecting the world in bigger ways than others. Working alongside Kobik, they pulled and sniped and cut and reattached bits and pieces of the thread in the fabric of reality, the tapestry turning into a quilt turning into a tapestry as changes were made, each time checking and rechecking the effects of their edits. They were changing too much, Kobik said, to try again. They got one shot at this: they had to make it perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Essentially, the world that Kobik showed them is the MCU as it stands in the movies. Which, coming from my universe, is and isn't better, depending on what you're looking at, like how Miranda and Tony found it to be.  
> Chapter 3 is upcoming. I don't know if I'm gonna finish it before or after I see Infinity War but we'll find out when we get there.
> 
> Edit: This is Loke, the cat: 


	3. And Now We're Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War.  
> This chapter contains spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War.  
> This chapter contains spoilers for Avengers: Infinity War.   
> Do not continue reading if you have not yet seen the movie. I don't want to spoil anything for you.

Take a deep breath. Breathe in through your mouth, out through your nose.

_ There’s dust in the air. People are screaming. A giant spaceship looms in the Manhattan skyline. _

Remember to breathe. It will settle. Everything will settle.

_ Scotland. A train. Another spaceship. _

_ He is coming. _

Just breathe. Let the moment pass.

_ Is this anything like the Chautari? _

_ No. _

All life is is moments. You’ll have to let them go sometime.

_ There’s dust in the air. People are fighting and dying all around them. The Wakandan landscape is destroyed and covered in blood. It’s far from over and yet so near the end that no one can tell which is which. _

_ He is coming. _

Is there any point in reconciling these futures if they won’t happen?

_ A scream is torn from her throat. She feels the cold metal of the quinjet and the warm soil of Wakanda under her knees all at once. _

We only need to know the past, in the end.

_ A blaze of light. She felt as though she was torn apart, then stitched back together again, forming something more powerful than she could have ever dreamed of. _

Take a deep breath. Breathe in through your mouth, out through your nose.

_ Andy, you can’t do this. _

_ If I’m going to die, it might as well be heroically, right? _

This is just a way to restore balance to the universe.

_ Snap. _

*****

Miranda’s eyes flew open, her heart hammering in her chest. She sat upright in her bed, blankets clutched to her chest. Beside her, Steve slept on, his breathing even and calm. As she fought to gather her thoughts, she watched him, hoping he wouldn’t stir. He didn’t, and still didn’t, even after she slid out of the warm cocoon of their bed, her bare feet hitting the cold floor softly. She took every care not to disturb him, not even bothering to change out of her pajamas just in case the noise would wake him up. The door closed with a soft click as she slowly put it in place.

Hurrying down the hall, Miranda was hyper-aware of every noise. Her feet on the floor, her breathing, her heart still racing with adrenaline. In her mind, she reached out, finding everyone in the compound. Everyone was asleep, for the time being; but she could feel Tony beginning to stir.

Her office here was arranged to her liking, meaning it was functional and welcoming all at once, though she didn’t appreciate the fact that the wall separating her from the hallway was glass.

She wasn’t entirely sure what she was looking for, but she needed something,  _ anything _ that could help her place her resources, to ground her in her new world. Thanos was coming and  _ soon _ and people were going to die if she didn’t act quickly.

She swallowed the bile in her throat when she thought of the possible death toll. Facing Thanos in their world before was mere child’s play compared to every other scenario. There were so few where they succeeded, so startlingly few. Trillions gone in a snap of his fingers.

_ Bucky fading away before her eyes in a cloud of ash. _

The papers were shaking in her hands and she dropped them, leaning heavily on her desk for support. After a moment, her legs couldn’t support her anymore and she sank to the floor, leaning against the desk drawers. She didn’t care that the handles were digging into her back and head. She was far more concerned with what she was going to come up with. She’d told Tony she had a plan, said she’d told him most of it but the truth was she didn’t have a clue as to what to do now. Everything had changed, she’d changed so much that the world was barely the same at all.

She hadn’t realized she’d been squeezing her fists tight enough that her nails were leaving crescent marks on her palms that were deep enough to sting when she loosened her grip until someone gently uncurled her hands, smoothing out her fingers. She looked up, vision blurry with tears, and saw Steve watching her, eyes soft.

“Hey,” he said quietly. He smiled, a gentle, hopeful little thing despite the obvious worry and concern in his eyes. “Come back to bed.”

Miranda shook her head, trying to push herself to her feet but Steve wouldn’t let her get up. “I can’t, I have to — I need to call Jeane and, ah, fuck, what was his name — and I-I need to, I need to —”

Steve shushed her, calm as ever. How was he so calm? Why wasn’t he on edge?

“Andy, sugar, calm down. It can wait 'til morning.”

“No, it can’t, Steve. Morning might be too late — Thanos is coming and I need to stop him. If I don’t —”

“Trillions will die,” Steve said, his expression somehow growing softer but now it had a pitying edge to it that made Miranda furious. He sighed, shaking his head. “It was just a nightmare, Andy. We defeated Thanos almost six months ago. You’re safe, we’re all safe.”

“Six… what?” Her anger deflated like a popped balloon.

“Come on, come back to sleep,” Steve said, getting to his feet and pulling her with him. “We can talk about it again in the morning if you’re still confused. And I’ll write a note so you don’t forget to mention this during your session with Dr. Arzt on Monday, okay?”

Miranda nodded even though none of it made sense. Except talking to Dr. Arzt. She wasn’t too surprised about that, not when she had sort of regretted stopping her treatment anyway. But now she had a different set of traumas… She wasn’t sure Dr. Arzt would be able to help her anymore. There was a slim chance anyone could.

Steve stayed pressed to her side all the way back to their room. He had her lay down on his side of the bed, scooting towards the middle as he wrapped around her protectively from behind.

He pressed a kiss to the back of her neck. “Do you need to talk about it now or do you need time to think?”

Miranda wondered how many times he’d asked her that in these past six months. Six months she didn’t have, didn’t remember. It sounded like a lot. Not nightly, no, but often. Too often. He thought it was a side effect from using the Phoenix Force to defeat Thanos.

_ It was morning, Steve and Miranda were the first ones up. She sat at the breakfast bar and read the news on her tablet as Steve started a pot of coffee. _

_ “Any plans for today?” he said. The coffee maker gurgled in the background. _

_ “I’m gonna drive out to Xavier’s,” she said. “I need to talk to Jeane.” _

_ “To be allies?” _

_ “Yep,” she said, a bit too quickly. _

_ He gave her a look. “And what else?” _

_ “Nothing you should worry about,” she said. She risked meeting his gaze but kept calm, shaking her hair out of her face. “I’ll be back by dinner.” _

_ Steve sighed. “Andy, I thought we agreed to not to do anything risky without talking about it first.” _

_ Miranda chewed her lip, looking down at the counter. “I’m going to ask Jeane for the Phoenix Force. Just for the battle!” she insisted when she looked up at his face. “Just long enough that we can defeat Thanos.” _

_ “You told me,” Steve said slowly, “that the best case scenario was insanity, worst case death. How is that a good plan?” _

_ “It’s what I was created to do, Steve. It’s why the Hellfire Club made me, why Hydra unfroze me and why I was born.” _

_ “You could die!” _

_ “I know.” She stared at the counter again. _

_ “Andy, you can’t do this.” _

_ “If I’m going to die, it might as well be heroically, right?” _

She stopped sifting through his memories, feeling guilty. She’d promised she wouldn’t do that, not without asking first.

“You back with me?” Steve asked, kissing her neck again.

“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I’m not sure I know anything anymore.” She turned around in his arms. “I’m so scared, Steve.” She pressed into him as close as she could get but it wasn’t enough. Steve rolled onto his back, pulling her half on top of him. She curled into his side and cried.

She fell asleep listening to his heart as he hummed a song she didn’t recognize and carded his fingers through her hair.

*****

The next time she woke up, it was light out. She buried her face against Steve’s side, not ready to face the morning. She wanted to stay in this warm dream where Steve was alive and she was wrapped around him in their bed.

“I know you’re awake,” Steve said, kissing the top of her head.

“Noooo,” she groaned, pressing further into his side. Last night was coming back to her now, and other memories besides, but she still didn’t want to leave the warmth of their bed.

Steve chuckled. “Come on, I’ll make waffles.”

“Do we still have strawberries in simple syrup?”

“And whipped cream, too,” Steve said. She could hear his smile in his voice. “Come on.” He sat up, pulling a less-reluctant Miranda with him. “There’s my girl,” he said, cupping her face.

“You’re a sap,” she said, even as she was clinging to every moment. Steve’s funeral was still too fresh in her mind, the weight of the flag from his casket still heavy in her hands.

“That’s why you love me.”

“Yeah, it’s one of my reasons,” she said, leaning in to kiss him.

Miranda ended up helping Steve make the waffles, and by ‘help’ that meant catching him off-guard by putting a dot of whipped cream on his nose and laughing at the exaggerated betrayal on his face.

“Your waffles are burning,” she said, just as he was about to get back at her.

“Shit,” Steve swore. He hurried back to the waffle maker and opened it, flipping out the two slightly-too-dark waffles. He sighed. “This is what I get for trying to be nice to you,” he teased.

“As penance, I’ll eat the dark ones.” She smiled as he rolled his eyes.

Steve turned back to the waffles and Miranda let him, sipping on her coffee and scanning the news on her phone as she kicked her feet back and forth from her perch on the counter. As Steve poured the last of the batter into the waffle iron, Miranda frowned.

“Where’s Ben?” she asked, glancing around the kitchen. Normally he was up by now.

“Oh, right. He’s at your folks for Thanksgiving. You thought it would be best if you didn’t, after last time you forgot.” Steve paused, looking sympathetic. “He insisted Kobik go with him, so she’s not around either.”

“How do you know — nevermind, of course you’ve met Kobik. It’s been six months,” Miranda said, slightly curling in on herself.

“Yeah.” Steve gently rested a hand on her knee. “She’s a great kid and really excelling at Xavier’s. Everyone has missed her since she started classes there in September. Though I do still wonder where you and Tony found her.” He looked hopeful, like maybe this time he could get her to tell him.

_ “Now, before you say anything, I had to explain what you said,” Tony said, pointing the soldering iron at her. _

_ She chuckled, pulling a wheeled stool over to sit across from him. “I know. I just want to know how much.” _

_ “The battle, mostly,” he said, focusing again on the project in front of him. “What Kobik showed us — but not anything about Kobik herself. I wasn’t sure how they’d react to knowing —” _

_ “Smart move,” she interrupted. “I would have done the same.” _

_ Tony nodded. “We’ll have to say something eventually.” _

_ “Will we?” Miranda mumbled, fiddling with a piece of scrap. _

“If I haven’t told you yet, it’s for a reason,” she said.

He shrugged. “It was worth a shot.”

“I’m sure, dear,” she said, patting his head. “So the kids are off with my parents. Where’s Bucky? I couldn’t find him last night when I reached out to see where everyone was, but I was so scared I hadn’t really noticed.” She watched her feet as she kicked them back and forth.

“He’s on a mission,” Steve said.

“A solo mission?”

“Yeah.”

“Why the fuck is he on a solo mission? Who approved that?”

“Um, you did,” Steve said hesitantly.

“I  _ what _ ?”

“I should start writing these things down,” Steve said, more to himself than to her. “You signed off on the solo mission because Bucky’s been cleared for field missions and this was a job for Captain America.”

Miranda stared at him, blinking owlishly. “But  _ you’re _ Captain America.”

“Not anymore.” Steve checked the waffles. They needed another minute. “I retired.”

“You retired?” Miranda said flatly. She didn’t believe him — this was  _ Steve Rogers _ for crying out loud. He’d never backed out of a fight in his life.

Steve sighed. “I know, I still have trouble believing it myself. But, it was for the best. Everything seems to be working out okay — Bucky feels like he’s making up for all the bad he did, and I get to… settle.”

“I just don’t get it — you refused to retire because of the Accords and now you just…? What happened?”

“After the battle,” Steve said slowly, “you were really shaken. Really jumpy, always checking up on me, Bucky, Ben… it was like you thought we were gonna disappear. I don’t know how many times I found you in Ben’s room in the middle of the night, just sitting in the armchair watching him sleep.” Steve took the last two waffles out of the iron and added them to the stack. “Then one afternoon, maybe two weeks after, you woke up from a nap on the couch screaming. Scared the shit out of us. Nat was closest and tried to get you to calm down but you kept babbling about Thanos and timelines and how ‘the future has passed’ or ‘the past is our future’ or something. It didn’t make any sense. But that was when I decided to retire.”

He locked eyes with her. She couldn’t hold his gaze.

“I think I need some air,” she said, slipping off the counter.

“Andy —” he gently grabbed her wrist — “I did it because I love you, not because I thought —”

“I know.” She nodded sharply. “I-I just… I need a minute.”

“Okay.” Steve raised he hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles before letting go.

*****

Miranda found a hidden spot on the grounds and sat down. It was freezing and her breath was making white clouds but she didn’t care. The grass crunched under her, the morning frost not quite gone yet. It was gonna melt into her pants. She poked the ground like it was gonna move. It didn’t.

She flopped onto her back, staring up at the grey November sky. Six months. She’d lost six months.  _ Six entire months of her life _ gone.

Sure, they were coming back. It felt like when her memories stumbled back in the world Kobik showed them. But that wasn’t the point. She hadn’t lived these months, not really. She was six months older and couldn’t account for any of it.

She’d missed Ben’s sixth birthday, too.

“ _ Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Benjamin, happy birthday to you…” they all sang, Clint exaggerating the high notes. Ben blew out the candle, a rainbow-colored six, and they all cheered and clapped. Ben beamed. _

It wasn’t fair, she thought. It wasn’t fair that she lost all this time. But at the same time, she couldn’t regret losing any of it, not when that meant that everyone was alive and safe and Thanos was a blip in their rearview mirror.

_ The flames receded back into her, the outline of a phoenix staying burned in the air for just a moment. Her feet touched the ground again but as soon as the flames were gone she collapsed and would have fallen on her face had Thor not been there to catch her. _

_ The last thing she remembered before it went black was Steve and Bucky running towards her and Thor assuring her that she’d done it, she’d defeated Thanos. The universe was safe. _

She wiggled her fingers, playing with the tiny electrical charge that danced between them. The little arches tickled and sparked, some shooting off into the grass.

In another life, it was a sign of extreme stress. She wondered if it was the same here.

_ “It wasn’t your fault,” she said. “Bucky, look at me: it wasn’t your fault.” _

_ “I killed his  _ parents _ , Andy. Howard was my friend,” Bucky said. He wiped away the tears on his face. _

_ “I know, but you didn’t have a choice, you weren’t in control.” _

_ “That doesn’t make it any better. Why doesn’t he hate me?” Bucky looked at her imploringly. _

_ “Because Tony knows you,” she said, cupping his cheek with her hand. “He knows  _ you _ wouldn’t’ve done that if you’d had a choice.” _

_ Bucky dropped his gaze. “I remember them. All of them.” He paused. “I remember fighting it, the mind control, but I couldn’t. It was like I was a passenger in my own body — the things these hands did,  _ my hands _ … I can’t ever take that back.” _

_ “That’s why you want to do this,” she said. She dropped her hand, opting to hold one of his instead. She took a deep breath. “If you’re sure — really sure — that you’ll be okay, I’ll sign off on it. You’ll be Captain America as far as anyone’s concerned.” _

Her fingers felt frozen. She absently thought about the mittens in her coat pockets. She should probably put them on.

_ Steve was arguing with someone. Miranda sighed and looked up from the paperwork. _

_ “Steve,” she said gently, resting her hand on his arm, “I think it’s for the best.” _

_ “What?” he said, turning to her, wide-eyed. _

_ “I mean…” She sighed again. “If this is a side effect from using the Phoenix Force, it’s not going to go away. I can’t lead the team if I keep forgetting like this and… a medical discharge isn’t that bad, right? I mean it could be worse, I  _ did _ commit treason a few months ago.” _

_ He gaped at her for a moment before schooling his features into something more dignified. “Who will lead the team?” _

_ Her shoulders sagged. She’d won this fight, but now he was going to be all business. _

_ “Tony can. And if he doesn’t want to… Nat could,” she said. _

_ “Is that your official opinion, Ms. Douglas?” asked the suited man. He was so generic, forgettable. _

_ “It is,” Miranda said. “Now is there anything I need to sign?” _

She heard Bucky sit down next to her. Her eyes were closed but she could sense him like he was an extension of her. She’d been able to do the same with Steve, she realized.

He was still in his uniform. It looked sharp, even from the odd angle she saw it, looking up at him from where she was lying. Mostly black but patriotic enough that he could be recognized as Captain America.

“I thought you’d be out here,” he said.

“Did I come out here the other times?” she asked dryly. “I assume Steve let you know.”

“He did, but no, you didn’t. But for as long as I’ve known you, you’ve liked to think and brood in gardens.”

“I’m not brooding,” she said, looking back up at the sky.

Bucky chuckled. “If you say so.”

They sat in silence for a few minutes. A full-body shiver ran down Miranda’s spine.

“How long have you been out here?” Bucky asked, his tone growing more worried after he grabbed her hand. “Christ, Andy, your hands are like ice!” He blanketed the hand with his own, rubbing her fingers to get the blood flowing again.

“I’m fine.” She shivered again.

“Bullshit,” Bucky said. He got to his feet pulling her with him. “We’re going inside to warm you up and then you’re eating the waffles Steve made you.”

“Stop babying me, Bucky!” she snapped, snatching her hand back. “I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you. Just because I lost everything that happened since the battle doesn’t mean I’m suddenly made of fucking glass! No, no, don’t you start,” she said, pointing at him accusingly. “Steve has been dancing around things enough, don’t you do that to me too. There isn’t  _ anything _ you could  _ possibly _ say that has happened in the last six months that is worse than what I left behind. I didn’t rearrange the fucking universe for you both to look at me like I’m gonna shatter if you say the wrong thing so if you’re gonna say something  _ just fucking say it _ .”

Bucky stared at her, taken aback by her outburst. Gathering himself, he swallowed, then looked at her very seriously. “So what you and Tony said about the other timelines… that’s all true? I mean, you lived them, not just saw them?”

“Different versions of what’s the past now, yeah.” Then it clicked for her.

She’d been wondering all day why she’d lost the time — if she hadn’t actually and she really was just slowly going insane as she forgot and remembered, forgot and remembered. Steve had said she babbled about how “the future had passed” and “the past is our future” before the first time she’d forgotten.

“That’s how we won,” she said, her face lighting up as she looked at Bucky, all the pieces falling together. “That’s how we defeated Thanos.”

“I don’t follow.”

“We won because it already happened. History is written by the victors.” She grinned, wide and slightly manic. “The past is easier to rewrite than the future so of course — oh, Kobik is brilliant. We won because that’s what happened!”

“Okay, now I’m really lost,” Bucky said.

“I was so stupid, looking only at forming the right future for us to win, never looking behind. We won because that’s what happened! Happened! Past tense!” she said, giddy. She was bouncing now. She grabbed Bucky by the shoulders. “I know I look like a crazy person right now but trust me, this is important.”

“I don’t doubt it,  _ zvezda _ ,” he said, smiling, his arms encircling her waist.

_ “Andy? Andy, calm down, you’re fine, you’re safe,” Bucky said. _

_ It was dark and she could barely see his face, what little light there was prevented from reaching it by his long hair. Her heart was pounding in her chest but she released her death grip on his shirt and sank back into the mattress. She took deep, measured breaths. _

_ “Nightmare?” he asked, laying back down next to her. He propped himself up on one elbow so he could still see her face. _

_ “What else?” she said. “Where’s Steve?” _

_ “He already left for his run with Sam,” Bucky said. _

_ “It’s still dark out.” Miranda frowned. It was much too early to get up for a run — especially when Steve’s “short” run was ten miles. _

_ Bucky snorted, laying back down fully. “My thoughts exactly.” _

_ “I’m glad you were here. I’d’ve hated to wake up alone,” she said, turning on her side and intertwining their fingers. “I dreamt I lost you again.” _

_ “ _ Moya zvezda _ , I’m not going anywhere,” he said, kissing her hand. “You’re stuck with me now.” _

Miranda blinked, looking up at Bucky. “We’re dating,” she said, astonished.

“Yeah,” Bucky said, grinning. “We are. It’s still new, though, don’t feel too bad about forgetting.”

“How new?”

“Uhhhh, I guess it’s about two weeks now? This mission took up most of that time, unfortunately,” he said, ducking his head. “Like, you guys finally get my head out of my ass and then I’m off for a week and a half being Captain America.” He chuckled.

“Steve said I signed off on your mission but I thought I got a medical discharge…”

“You didn’t sign off on it, no, but I did ask you. You said I should go and that I’d have to take my first mission as Cap at some point,” Bucky said. He tugged her in the direction of the Compound as he spoke. “So I took it and now I’m back.”

“How’d it go?” Miranda leaned into his side as she shivered again, willingly walking alongside him back up to the building. She didn’t need to stay out and think about everything now that she’d figured out where her time went.

“It went okay,” Bucky said. “We did what we went there to do.”

Miranda smiled up and it and rubbed his side with the arm that was wrapped around his waist. “I’m proud of you, you know.”

He blushed, looking straight ahead. She let him. She knew what it was like to not believe the praise that people gave you. She’d just have to say it often enough that he’d start to believe it.

*****

Steve jumped up from the couch the moment he saw them and started fussing over Miranda, who waved him off and told him to stop being a Mother Hen.

“Your hands are like ice!” Steve said, ignoring her.

“How long was she out there?” Bucky asked.

Miranda rolled her eyes and took her hands back from Steve even though his hands did feel really nice. She shrugged her coat off and hung it up, wrapping her scarf around the hanger and shoving her hat in one of the coat pockets.

“A few hours,” Steve said. “I haven’t seen her since about 9:30.”

“It’s nearly _ one _ ,” Bucky said, giving Miranda a look that was a mix of horror and parental anger.

She shrugged and turned the water on in the kitchen sink, letting it warm up a little before warming her hands under it. For the first time, she kinda hated the open floor plan of their apartment here since they were still in the living room but could glare at her while she stood in the kitchen. Miranda opted to stare at the backsplash behind the sink rather than look over her shoulder at her boyfriends.

_ Boyfriends _ , she thought, smiling a little to herself.

“Andy, were you outside the whole time?” Bucky asked.

“Maybe,” she said noncommittally. “I don’t really want to talk about it, okay?” She grabbed a towel dry off her hands and faced them. “I needed space but now I’m fine.” She held up a hand when they both started talking over each other. “Would you rather I cope like I did after Belgium?” She looked Steve dead in the eye as she said it. He looked away, conceding. “I’m not saying it’s a great option but of all the things I’ve done to get my head on straight, it’s better than that and worse than stress cooking.”

“We just want the best for you,” Steve said.

“I know,” Miranda said, hanging the towel back on the oven handle. She closed the distance between them. “And I appreciate it, but now I’ve got all my ducks in a row and like 70% of my memories back so I’d like the pretend that it’s a normal weekend and spend it doing disgustingly cliche dating stuff with my boyfriends. Is that an acceptable plan, captain?” She glanced teasingly between the both of them, grinning widely as they nodded.

“I’m going to go shower. I still feel gross from the plane,” Bucky said. He kissed Miranda’s forehead. “Your turn to pick the movie.”

“You might regret that,” she said.

Bucky laughed as he retreated down the hallway.

“He’ll sit through anything if you play with his hair during it,” Steve said, enveloping her in a hug. He smoothed out her hair and kissed her head.

“I know,” she said, stepping back. “Now lemme pick one.”

She decided on  _ Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Grail _ because it was a classic and it fit all of their senses of humor to a T. (Also she couldn’t wait to see Tony’s face when Steve referenced it. It’d be better than the time the team sat down to watch  _ A New Hope _ and she and Steve had already watched all of the movies so they could go see  _ Rogue One _ in theatres.)

The three of them snuggled up on the couch, Miranda leaning into Steve while Bucky lay with his head in her lap. She was pretty sure he’d purr if he could. Steve was a master popcorn maker, something Miranda had declared to be one of his hidden talents even though he rolled his eyes every time.

By the time Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film was introduced, everything had settled in Miranda’s head. She wasn’t going to forget again, and her life was shaping up to be pretty damn good.

*****

Miranda was pretty sure she’d always have to keep a mental list of Things That Are Different Now for as long as she lived, but she didn’t mind, really. Mostly it just reminded her of what she’d gained, what she’d lost.

Her list went something like this:

  * Steve’s not dead
    * Not Allowed to Grow a Beard
  * Ben’s not dead
    * Do not spoil the child that’s what his aunts and uncles are for
      * No seriously don’t buy him the thing Tony probably already did and is trying to find a good time to mention it
  * Bucky’s not missing or dead
    * Play With the Hair… Sooo Soft… Do Not Cut Short Again
  * Clint never married and has no clue who Laura is (or the kids… STOP acting like Clint knows a damn thing about parenting he drinks straight from the coffee pot and feeds a stray dog he adopted pizza)
    * Nat’s not a Squid Nazi
    * Never moved to Iowa to pretend that it was possible to pretend to be a Normal Person
  * Loki didn’t conquer the whole planet
    * Lots of people are now Not Dead bc of that
    * Never went to D.C./the White House → straight to Versailles from NYC
      * Loki never made me forget that One Time because it never happened
  * Pietro died in Sokovia
    * Accords still a thing, but suddenly the Avengers are “mortal” and “as human” as everybody else
      * Accords nearly tossed out the door when Project Wideawake was found
        * Totally thrown out when plans for the Raft were leaked by yours truly (yay treason…)
  * Tossed Accords meant they were never ratified so nobody was forced to sign and Steve didn’t get shot leaving the courthouse
    * Never got kidnapped and taken to Asgard by Loki (who was pretending to be Odin)
      * Side note: Remember to explain to Thor how I know Asgardian magic
        * Side side note: need to let Thor have quality time with Ben
    * Instead of the Accords we just answer to the UN and hundreds of nations have (secretly) agreed to let the Avengers take action if they think they need to, but if that power is abused there will be Consequences
    * Still came out as a mutant though so that’s Fun
  * Kobik is ten Cosmic Cubes stacked together in a trench coat but Tony and I have both pseudo-adopted her anyway



The list was long and chaotic to be sure, but it helped her stay focused, grounded. She didn’t lose time again, which was nice, but Miranda still took steps to make sure she wouldn’t. She may not have directly used the Phoenix Force, but she still did use it and not everyone walked away from that without a fair share of scratches. But she’d be okay. Eventually.

*****

“How much do you remember?” Tony asked.

Miranda handed him the stack of plates for the table. “Of the last six months or just in general?” She grabbed the silverware and walked towards the table.

“Both, I guess,” he said, following her.

“Almost everything, I think.” She started placing a fork, spoon, and knife by every spot, Tony working ahead of her putting down the plates. “I mean, obviously I’ve got what we went through, you know, before. But here is… fuzzier. It comes in spades like —” she glanced around, lowering her voice — “like what Kobik showed us, how we slowly remembered what we were supposed to know.”

Tony nodded. “I know what you mean.”

“So how’s Pepper?” she asked voice at a normal volume again.

“Good. Really good. We, uh, we settled on a wedding date last night.”

“Really, Tony? That’s amazing! I’m thrilled for both of you.” She smiled, bumping elbows with him.

“Thanks, Andy. We picked June 23 of next year.”

“That’s gonna come up fast,” Miranda said, grinning. She glanced towards the kitchen as the oven timer went off. “That’ll be the rolls. Put a napkin by each spot, will you?” She disappeared back into the kitchen for a moment, reemerging with the gravy boat in one hand and the cranberry sauce in the other.

“How are you and Steve?” Tony said.

“We’re doing okay,” she said. “The more I remember, the better, but it’s still weird that he retired. A good weird though, I think. Plus, um, it’s not just us anymore.” She blushed as she set the dishes down on the table. She was beginning to think that the white tablecloth was a little much but it  _ was _ Thanksgiving.

“Oh?” Tony looked up, placing the last napkin on top of the plate at the head of the table.

“Bucky’s joined us. We’re a triad now.”

“About damn time,” he chuckled.

Miranda rolled her eyes. “Because you have always been on top of things in the romance department.” They both chuckled. “Help me bring stuff out and maybe I’ll convince Nat to let you carve the turkey.”

“Why’s Nat carving the turkey?”

“Don’t ask silly questions, Tony, just grab the green bean casserole.”

*****

Everyone collectively shooed Miranda out of the kitchen after dinner, refusing to let her help with cleanup. It became Bucky’s job to keep her away so that she wouldn’t worm her way in to put away leftovers or wash the dishes that didn’t fit in the dishwasher. She’d done most of the cooking by herself and no one thought it was fair for her to have to worry about cleanup.

So Miranda curled up on their bed and video-called her parents, and by extension, the kids. Bucky was curled around her left side, arm thrown across her waist and head on her shoulder. She angled the phone so they were both visible on the screen.

“Happy Thanksgiving!” she greeted when it connected.

“Hi, sweetheart!” her dad said over her mom’s shoulder. “Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours.”

“Thanks, Dad. How’re the kids? I hope they’re not too much trouble.”

“They’re as well-behaved as I expected,” her mom said, “which is to say moderately behaved. They’re kids.” She shrugged. “How’re you feeling? Steve texted us yesterday, said you forgot again.”

“I’m okay. I have almost everything back now, so it’s not really anything to worry about.”

“Bucky, is she lying?” her mom asked.

Miranda rolled her eyes. “Mom —”

“I asked him, dear.”

“She’s okay,” he said, chuckling. “Scared us though, staying outside as long as she did.”

Miranda elbowed him. Hard.

“Miranda!” her mother said. “You can’t do that, you’ll catch a cold.”

“I wore a coat and hat,” she grumbled.

“Grandma, who’re you talking to?” Ben asked somewhere off-screen.

“It’s your mom and Papa. Go get Kobik and then you can both talk to them,” she said.

“Okay!” Ben said. Miranda smiled, imagining him taking off into another room to get Kobik as fast as possible.

“We’ll talk more later, Bucky,” her mom said. “It’s good to know someone’s watching my daughter.”

“Mom, Steve literally retired to help me out.”

“Shush, I’m allowed to pick on you, I’m your mother.”

Bucky, the asshole, laughed. “I’ll be sure to call, April.”

“Good. Oh, here come the kids.” The phone jostled for a moment as it traded hands. Kobik held it steady between them.

Both kids started talking immediately.

“Momma, it there were flurries earlier —”

“It’s cold here but not as cold as Russia, I didn’t like it there —”

“— and Grandma said we needed to start wearing mittens —”

“— but Mrs. April got me this warm sweater, it’s got squares on it, see?”

“— but I don’t really need mittens because my hands don’t get cold —”

“Kids. Kids!” Miranda said. They fell quiet. “One at a time, okay? I’m excited too but you’ve got to take turns.”

“Okay,” they chimed. Kobik let Ben start, adding on a few things here and there as he recounted the last three days. By the time they ended the call, they’d been talking for almost two hours.

Miranda rolled to put her phone on the wireless charger on the nightstand. “Think they finished cleaning up my mess?”

“Probably,” Bucky said, pulling her back. “But that would mean you’re getting out of bed.”

She laughed as he rested his head on her stomach, nuzzling the soft fabric of her sweater. When he looked up at her she smiled and pushed his hair behind his ear. He leaned into the touch.

“There you are,” Steve said, appearing in the doorway. “We’re about to start a round of Uno and I was sent to find you.”

“You found us,” Bucky said, curling protectively around Miranda, effectively trapping her on the bed. “Congrats.”

“Come on, play a hand or two,” Steve said, hitting the back of Bucky’s leg with his hand.

“‘M busy,” he mumbled.

“You’re not busy, Bucky,” Miranda said, chuckling. “Let’s go play Uno.” She tugged at his arm but he just wrapped it tighter. “Bucky, come on.” She looked at Steve and shrugged.

Steve sighed and grabbed Bucky’s waist, yanking him off the bed. Bucky yelped and squirmed but gave up when Steve threw him over his shoulder. Miranda laughed and slipped off the bed.

“I regret dating you,” Bucky said.

“No, you don’t,” Steve said, a smile on his face.

*****

Two weeks after Thanksgiving, Ben’s school called and asked Miranda to come into the principal’s office. Ben had gotten into a fight.

Miranda marched up to the front office, her heels clacking on the tile floor. She had been wearing jeans and one of Bucky’s shirts but she’d grabbed one of her blouses as soon as she’d gotten off the phone and did her best to look official. She wasn’t a former ambassador and former Avenger for nothing.

“I’m Ben Douglas’ mother, I got a call saying there had been a fight,” she told the secretary.

“You’re the last parent we were waiting for. They’re in Principal Smith’s office,” the secretary said, pointing to one of the doors. Through the cracked door she could see three kids sitting along the wall.

“Thank you,” she said, marching into the office. The other parents and Principal Smith all looked at her as she entered, but she was focused on Ben who was sporting a black eye.

“Ms. Douglas, thank you for joining us,” Principal Smith said.

“Sorry for the wait, the commute isn’t what it used to be,” she said dryly. “Now that I’m here, I’d like to know why my son has a black eye.”

“He attacked my sweet London,” said the other mom present, a blonde woman who looked like she’d bite a barista’s head off for spelling her name wrong. She stuck her chin out like her son couldn’t have any fault at all. “Mutant freak would have tried to maim him if someone hadn’t stepped in.”

Miranda clenched her jaw and gripped the handle of her purse tighter to keep herself from decking this woman.  “My son is not a freak,” she said, low and dangerous. “And he would  _ never _ attack someone.”

The woman scoffed.

“Now, now, let’s be respectful,” said Principal Smith, putting out a hand between them. “Let’s all take a seat and discuss what happened. I’ve already spoken with the children and a few others who saw what happened.”

They sat down, Gracelyn’s dad, Lieutenant Wesley Giles, waiting until the two mothers and Principal Smith were seated to sit himself. Principal Smith smoothed her hands out on her desk and took a breath before calmly relaying the story.

The fight had broken out during lunch. According to Ben, Gracelyn, and a few other students, London had gone up to Gracelyn and pulled on her braid, unprovoked, and then tried to take her lunch money. Ben had walked up to him, even though London was two years older and a few inches taller, and put a stop to it, demanding that London apologize. He’d laughed and pushed Ben down, calling him a mutant freak and saying Miranda herself was an alien whore. (Principal Smith gave Miranda an apologetic smile at that, but Miranda waved for her to continue.) Ben pushed himself up to his feet, planted himself and swung at London, who hit back, giving Ben the black eye. That was when a volunteer lunch monitor saw the commotion and hurried over to them. She’d pulled them apart and that had been the end of it.

“My London would  _ never _ do such a thing,” his mother said, scandalized.

“Mrs. Knowles, several students said that that was the sequence of events. Are you saying they were all lying?” Principal Smith asked.

“They’re scared of that child,” she said, pointing at Ben like he was a dead rat. Miranda bristled. “And his mother. Of course, they wouldn’t want to turn against him, so they said it was my poor London.”

“With all due respect, Mrs. Knowles, I doubt that’s what happened,” said Wesley. “Miranda is a respectable person and a good parent.”

Mrs. Knowles scoffed again. “As if a woman of her character could a good parent.”

“My character?” Miranda said, turning to face Mrs. Knowles. She held up a hand to Principal Smith when she began to speak. “No, I want to hear what she has to say. Obviously, she’s taught her son I’m an alien whore, but I want to know what else she thinks of me. Can’t be any worse than what I’ve heard before.”

“You’re not worth the waste of breath,” she said, holding her nose high. Her haughty demeanor was an attempt at hiding how scared she was — she clearly never thought she’d be anywhere near Miranda, let alone having to own up to everything she’d said.

“Fine,” Miranda said, turning back to Principal Smith. “I think we both know that pressing charges would be overboard in this situation, so I’d like to hear what action the school is taking to remedy this situation.”

Principal Smith took a deep breath, steadying herself. Miranda felt a twinge of guilt about nearly escalating the situation.

“Ben and Gracelyn will be sent home after this. Their teacher, Miss McNeil, has already gotten their assignments together, you’ll just have to pick them up. As for London,” she said, “he will be facing in-school suspension tomorrow, which is Friday. We have a strict policy when it comes to this, and since London is the only student who caused harm to others, he’ll be facing the strictest punishment. My decision, Mrs. Knowles, is final.”

Mrs. Knowles grit her teeth and rose in a huff, taking her son with her. Principal Smith deflated as soon as she left the room.

“I have been wanting to suspend that kid for ages,” she said.

“I’m guessing this isn’t the first time London has bullied someone?” Wesley asked.

“He’s really mean,” Gracelyn said. “Normally he picks on Davina but she was sick today.”

“He picks on Davina?” Ben said. Gracelyn nodded and Ben hopped off his chair. Miranda caught him by his shirt.

“Don’t you dare, Benjamin,” Miranda said.

“But Momma, he’s a  _ bully _ ,” Ben said, eyes wide and fists clenched tight.

Miranda wondered if this was how Steve’s mom had felt the first time he’d gotten into a fight. A little angry, a little scared, a little proud. “I know. Go sit back down and we’ll talk about this on the drive home.”

“Okay,” he said sullenly, shuffling back to sit next to Gracelyn.

They spoke with Principal Smith for a few more minutes to get a better picture of what had happened and then got up to leave. Miranda and Wesley chatted as they walked through the halls to their kids’ classroom and waited by outside as they went in to grab their homework.

“How’s Nicole?” Miranda asked.

“She’s doing well. Actually, we were talking the other day about how it’s been awhile since we had a night out with you and Steve,” Wesley said. “I think she was gonna give you a call this weekend.”

“That sounds great, actually. Though, um, Steve and I finally asked Bucky a few weeks ago and…”

“He didn’t say no, did he?” Wesley said. Miranda was shocked by his reaction — it was like he wanted to have a few words with Bucky if he had turned them down.

“No, no,” Miranda said. “The opposite, actually.”

“That’s great news.” He smiled. “Now we really need to meet up. You know Nicole will want to celebrate.”

“I know.” Miranda chuckled. “I’ll have to call her tomorrow. I think tonight is gonna be full.” She glanced into the classroom. Gracelyn and Ben were zipping up their backpacks. She sighed. “Honestly, the most surprising part of all this was that Ben missed, but I can’t tell him that.”

“No, you can’t,” Wesley said. “I’m glad he stood up for Gracelyn, though now I think we’re going to have to teach her to do the same. Not that we weren’t, but.”

Miranda nodded. The kids came out of the classroom, each parent helping their child into their winter coat. 

*****

When they got home, Miranda helped Ben out of his coat and sent him off to his room for the time being. She knew it wasn’t quite fair, but she had to let him stew a bit — no matter how right he was to stand up for Gracelyn, she couldn’t encourage him to get into fights.

“How was it?” Steve asked, leaning on the wall as she hung up her coat.

“Well, he’s only missing classes today, so there’s that,” she said. She hung up her scarf and hat. “He stood up to a bully.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Of course he got in trouble for that.”

“Steve,” she said seriously. “I’m not angry with him and he’s not really in trouble — he only got sent home and Principal Smith wasn’t upset either. He swung at him, but he didn’t land a hit.”

“He didn’t?”

“No, apparently I need to ask Bucky to teach him how to aim,” Miranda said. She smoothed out his shirt. “I need to get him something for his eye.”

“His eye?” Steve said, turning to follow her as she walked towards the kitchen. “What happened to his eye?”

Miranda sighed. “Steve, please, you’re only going to get angry.”

“Andy, what happened to him?”

“Do we still have those peas?” she said, opening the freezer. “I don’t think I used them yet.” She dug around in the freezer looking for them, pretending she didn’t feel his eyes boring into her back.

“You know a steak works better on a black eye,” he said after a minute.

Her hand froze on the vacuum-sealed bag of spaghetti sauce.

“There’s one in the bottom drawer of the fridge.” Steve sat down on one of the stools.

“Thanks,” she mumbled, closing the freezer. Miranda opened the fridge and pulled out the steak. “Take it you’ve had your fair share of black eyes.” She smirked at him.

“And you haven’t,” he said.

“No, I knew how to  _ block _ ,” she teased. She laughed as she left, taking the steak with her.

*****

Miranda called Nicole the next day while the kids were in school and they made plans to meet up for lunch in the next week. She was excited about meeting Bucky as their boyfriend and not just as their friend, but also understood that he might have to bail, being Captain America and all. But they got lucky and he didn’t.

“Oh, come on, Bucky, you’ve met the Giles’ before,” Miranda said as they got out of the car. 

They were in the older part of Brooklyn, not too far from where Bucky and Steve had grown up, and they had miraculously found parking near the deli that had been there since they were kids where they were meeting the Giles’ for lunch.

“Yeah, but not as —”

“Our boyfriend?” Steve said, taking Bucky’s hand in his own.

Bucky nodded.

“You’ll be fine,” Miranda said, grinning as she looped her arm around his. “I mean, Nicole will need to be reminded to not randomly hug you, but other than that, you know what they’re like.”

They walked down the street together, mostly succeeding in staying connected since the foot traffic wasn’t too atrocious. And somehow, even though the Giles’ live slightly closer than they do (they actually lived  _ in _ New York City, not slightly outside of it) they beat them there. But they’d done this often enough Miranda knew what to get them and ordered as she sent her boyfriends to find a place to sit.

_ Boyfriends _ . She was never going to get tired of that.

Nicole hurried right up to them when they arrived, hugging Miranda, then Steve. She asked Bucky before she hugged him and only did briefly after he said it was fine. She was grinning ear-to-ear.

“Congrats, you guys! I’m so happy for you,” she said. “Gosh, you know, Ben’s gonna have such a great childhood with you as his parents. I know you’re keeping it quiet, but do you mind if I call my parents and tell them? They’d be thrilled. It’s not every day you find other poly parents.”

Miranda glanced at Bucky, who shrugged. “That would be alright,” she said. “But just your parents. We’re obviously not ready to go public, not with how new this is.”

“Oh, of course, of course. Believe me, my parents can keep a secret.” She and Wesley sat down. “Wes told me about what happened at the school last Thursday, and I would’ve talked to you about it on the phone, Andy, but I wanted us all to chat. I can’t believe that boy said those things about you.”

“What?” Steve said, turning to Miranda.

“Wes said London said —”

“And it’s fine, Nicole, really,” Miranda said, cutting her off. She had elected to ignore the insults from her recountment to both Steve and Bucky, knowing full well that neither would let it rest once they knew. “I handled the situation and, believe me, I’ve dealt with worse.”

“But he said that to Ben’s face, aren’t you worried?”

“Of course I am, but I don’t really want to talk about it right now.”

“Ah,” Nicole said, seeing how both Steve and Bucky were looking at Miranda and how she was resolutely ignoring them. “So when did it become official? I mean, you three  _ are  _ what we’re meeting up to talk about.”

Grateful for Nicole’s pivot, Miranda answered easily. After a few moments, her boyfriends unfroze and joined the conversation. It was nice, having other parent friends and ones who kind of understood their crazy lives to boot. Wesley, being Army himself, got along great with the guys, and had been a single parent for a few years before he met Nicole so he and Miranda were able to commiserate together. Nicole obviously came from a poly family, though hers was much bigger: five parents and seven kids in total. She was an engineer at Stark Industries, so she also understood some things from that end. But at the end of the day, it was about having other parents to talk to. It eased something in Miranda to know that worry and confusion were just part of parenting and that no one really had any idea what they were doing, just giving it their best shot and loving their kids as much as possible.

Before they left, Miranda remembered the invitation in her purse and handed it to them. It was for Tony’s New Year’s party, which this year was going to be subdued in comparison to everything else Tony did. Just friends and family this year, no A- or B-listers or any fuss from the press (if they could swing it anyway). She made them promise to at least consider attending before they parted ways.

As soon as she pulled the car away from the curb, she knew what was coming.

“What was Nicole talking about? That the kid said something about you?” Bucky asked from the backseat.

Miranda looked at him in the rearview mirror and sighed. “It was nothing.”

“If it was nothing, you would have told us already,” Steve said.

“I’m driving,” she said.

“You can talk and drive at the same time.”

Miranda chewed her lip, focusing on changing lanes.

“We could always ask Nicole or Wesley,” Steve said after a few minutes, looking over his shoulder at Bucky.

“Guys, I appreciate that you’re worried, but I’m fine. Insults don’t bother me anymore and I’ve already talked to Ben about it. It wasn’t anything I haven’t heard before,” Miranda said, sparing a glance at both of them. “But if you really want to know, and since I know you  both I know I’ll never hear the end of it if I don’t tell you, London repeated a sentiment he learned from his mother.”

“Which is?” Bucky said. He was leaning forward into the space between the front seats.

“That I’m an alien whore,” Miranda said, her tone light like she was commenting on the weather. She flinched when they both shouted. “Indoor voices, Christ,” she swore, rubbing her right ear.

“That’s — that’s not —” Bucky sputtered.

“I know,” she said, changing lanes again. “It’s been years since I’ve heard that one though.”

“How are you so calm about this?”

“It used to be worse so I’ve just learned to let it roll off my back.” She shrugged. “We’re in the spotlight; there’s going to be people who are —”

“Assholes?” Bucky said.

Miranda and Steve both chuckled.

“Just wait awhile, Buck, you’ll be getting your fair share of hate and fan mail soon enough,” Steve said.

Miranda smiled as Bucky groaned, leaning back in his seat. The rest of the drive was quiet. They made good time getting back to the compound. And yeah, Miranda expected the cuddle attack that came and left them tangled up together for an hour after they got back.

*****

Miranda’s family came to New York for Christmas and New Year’s, so needless to say there was a lot of chatter and laughter Christmas Day. April, Wanda, Bucky, Quinn, and Miranda herself were in the kitchen most of the morning, pulling in Ervin, Steve, Levi, Peter, Ben, or Kobik every once in awhile when they needed another set of hands because there were never enough when cooking a Christmas feast for eighteen people.

They made a turkey and a ham, green bean casserole, rolls, challah, stuffing, mashed potatoes and gravy, butternut squash, sweet potatoes with apples and marshmallows. Wanda made two loaves of cozonac, a sweet bread. There was pumpkin pie and apple cake cooling for dessert. They also laid out pickles, olives and cranberry sauce.

While they bustled to and fro laying out the feast, Peter, Ben, and Kobik set the table.

Once everything was out, everyone took their seats, the laughter and chatter never stopping as they piled food on their plates and ate. Miranda couldn’t stop smiling as she looked around the table. She caught Tony’s eye at one point and they shared a glance. This was worth everything they’d seen, all the nightmares they had from both previous lives. It was worth it, just to see everyone here, even if they hadn’t been able to save everyone. This was enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (moya) zvezda: Russian, (my) star  
> [ Cozonac ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cozonac) is a traditional sweet bread in many Eastern European countries, and since that's where Sokovia is I figure it's not much of a stretch to say that it's common there as well.
> 
> Please let me know if I have missed any tags and I will add them.


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